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-   -   The Devil's Threesome (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4527)

Skyknight25m 12-24-2010 05:18 PM

The Devil's Threesome
I met a really nice married couple recently, and they've invited me to their house to celebrate New Year's Eve. There will be drinking, and I'm sleeping over, but considering how new our friendship is I would be (pleasantly) surprised if anything sexual happened. But the woman and I have been flirting back and forth, and I've received little hints that the night might turn kinky if the husband likes me and things go well.

As the newcomer in a MFM threesome, how should I behave? Please give me advice on manners, small talk, flirting, foreplay, bedroom etiquette etc.

Does anyone here have stories of especially good or especially bad MFM threesomes?

GroundedSpirit 12-24-2010 05:57 PM


Originally Posted by Skyknight25m (Post 56859)
As the newcomer in a MFM threesome, how should I behave? Please give me advice on manners, small talk, flirting, foreplay, bedroom etiquette etc.

Hey Skynight,

Let THEM set the pace - especially where you are new person in.
If any discussion gets started on sex, preferences, fantasies etc I'd suggest being honest but not stretching the envelope too much in any kinky direction. Base that on what THEY share first with you.
Let them know that RESPECT is # 1 for you (assume it is !) and that you respect 'NO' as 'NO' - not negotiable.
If they have traveled this path before it will be easier. If not take it slow. MMF may be a fantasy for her but he may be a bit uncomfortable if it's a first time - or pretty new.
Just let them know that your desire is to add to the excitement in THEIR relationship and hopefully to become part of it in that way.
If flirted with, flirt back within reason. Go with the flow, but I don't recommend trying to set the pace yourself.
And if the topic turns to sex, try to find out if HE is bi but don't offer your preferences first. Guys who are straight easily get freaked out by the idea of any M/M contact !

That should help you get started.............


PS: Stories.............could write a book lol

redpepper 12-24-2010 11:56 PM

I agree with GS, go at their pace. I would also not expect ANYTHING! Just go thinking it will be a fun time and a way to get to know them. Don't flirt, don't be suggestive, just be yourself and friendly. If this is the first time you are hanging out with them I would treat it like any other first time. Get to know them so that second date can be something more close and intimate. If you want this to last I would personally wait a good long time for sex. I haven't known too many threesomes that last beyond sex in the first few dates. I imagine that happens, but sustainability happens when time, effort and pateince are at play... of course if a fun time on NY's is all you want then,,, whatever, go for it. Just don't expect life long devotion to occur a month later. At least that has how it has been in my experience.

Skyknight25m 12-25-2010 01:14 AM

I'm not really *expecting* anything to happen, and I'm certainly not a desperate pervert looking to get laid ASAP. I wouldn't want or expect sex on the first date if I was dating a single woman, but with a poly couple I really don't know what to expect. It's a little scary. I have very little dating experience to begin with, but it must be a completely different social dynamic with the husband being there. I just want them to like me... I don't want to commit some kind of serious blunder that would offend them.

Part of what makes me nervous is that the husband is bisexual, and I'm still not sure if I would ever be down for that or not. I've never been with a man. I've never been with anyone, except for my wife.

I'm absolutely planning on being mild, respectful, and easygoing about things. I'm really just there to make friends. I just feel like I need to have some kind of defense ready because there's two of them and only one of me. Does that make any sense?

Breathesgirl 12-25-2010 02:48 AM

Treat it as you would a monogamous date or getting together with a couple of friends for the evening. Be yourself. Forget about everyone's sexual identities for the time being. There's time enough for that once you've gotten to know each other.

If you're at a loss as for what to do maybe take along a favorite movie or music, a game & any questions you might have.

In other words expect nothing but a good time & you're bound to have the good time. Anything extra is just icing on the cake.

redpepper 12-25-2010 07:48 AM

dating couples is a lot like mono dating because the couple has a feel to them that comes across as it would one persons feel... every couple has a way about them, a personality that is theirs, as if they are one. When they date they look for someone compatible to that oneness as they want it to become oneness with three, or four. The dynamic changes and therefore the feel/personality changes with it... I think that often couples don't realize that; in the case of unicorn hunters especially. There is a tendency to think that they will stay the same and be uneffected by anyone making them three or four... so not so. Just like when you hang out with a new friend or begin a mono relationship, there is a shift in energy and personality...

I think the first thing to do, as in any dating, is to see if you feel that their personality as a couple suits you and then decide if they are fuckworkthy. That seems to be more sucessful when their is some knowledge about compatibility.

As for the bi thing... its up to you. I would think that they would not force or coerce you into doing things you don't want to do.

GroundedSpirit 12-25-2010 04:26 PM


Originally Posted by Skyknight25m (Post 56902)
.............. I just feel like I need to have some kind of defense ready because there's two of them and only one of me. Does that make any sense?

Best defense is just "be easy on me guys - this is all new to me" :)
If they are decent respectful, people that's all that will be needed.
If they aren't then that will be information you needed.


TL4everu2 12-25-2010 09:10 PM

My personal suggestion:
1) Let them set the pace (as stated before).

2) Also, let them KNOW...up front...that you are not there for sex. You are there to strengthen the bond with them as a relationship. (assuming you are trying to become part of their relationship dynamic and not just in for sex)

3) I also like the "be easy on my guys...I'm new to this" approach. It lets them know to set the pace and go a little slower. If you feel like it's going too quickly for your comfort, you can say "woah...lets hold off on that till a little later. Ok guys? I'm just not ready for that yet.". The will likely have an appreciation for that.

4) When flirting, don't be afraid to flirt with the woman in FRONT of her husband. The reason? If you wait till he leaves the room/area, he may feel you are trying to get her alone to cheat with you on him. (My wife felt this recently when our gf would do that with me)

5) Find out what's acceptable early on. A simple phrase and question, can help to eliminate possible problems; "Hey...while we're on the relationship subject, what do you guys feel is acceptable in the beginning of a relationship with someone?" I have heard of instances where one party or the other was not comfortable with _______ or _______" . Insert whatever you may feel might be a problematic area. Possibly holding hands, or kissing, or if it progresses to a sexual relationship early on - anal sex or oral sex or ???

5) Try to keep it simple. Ask them what they are looking for in the relationship. A boy toy? Or a lover? or a second husband? or what?

Now, these are just MY opinions. As a husband in a married poly couple, who has had a second male involved. But we are not in that dynamic anymore. I know that I had moments when I got upset. I got nervous when my wife's BF asked if he could take her on a date while I was at work. I was very against that for some weird reason. It made me upset. So make sure you approach things gingerly. ;) Hope we have helped.

polandrylady 08-25-2011 12:06 AM

..... good advice, everyone has said it all already

DrunkenPorcupine 08-28-2011 06:35 AM

Yep, let them set the pace, but also know where you stand. You have your own boundaries as well.

Also, enjoy. One of the best sexual experiences of my life was myself and a MF couple. He and I didn't do anything with each other, but focusing on this amazingly beautiful woman who was lucky enough to have TWO guys making her the center of their focus AND that I was lucky enough to be one of those guys...

Great experience all around. One of my best, in fact. Focus on the moment and not the "situation", if that makes sense.

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