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-   -   How important is sex to you? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4526)

TL4everu2 12-24-2010 03:01 PM

How important is sex to you?
 
Ok, I am one of the people who view sex as a necessity. I feel, that without sex, a relationship is a simple friendship. There is no love in it.

Please...Keep in mind that this is just how I feel....Not that I am trying to say that is the only way.



When my wife and I go for a period of time longer than 2 weeks without sex, I feel very depressed and very distant. I feel like she is looking for it elsewhere, and I'm not good enough or whatever.

She tells me that, she could take it or leave it, when it comes to sex. She doesn't "need" sex. :confused: I've heard this from other women also in reference to sex....Not just sex with ME, but just in reference to having sex...period....


So, I ask...What are your views toward sex?

TL4everu2 12-24-2010 03:06 PM

And before it's said by someone else, I know the options are not all inclusive....but it's the best I could come up with.

SNeacail 12-24-2010 05:17 PM

My personal observation: As a women, the more I get sex, the more I crave it and when there are long breaks with no sex, the easier it is not to have it (some of my friends have said the same thing). When I have a long break without sex, I have to mentally phsyc myself up to welcome it again. Of course, this now adds a guilt factor because I feel that I should want sex, but I'm not in "the mood". I have to override my mood and just do it. Once things gets started again, I'm back to craving it.:D

Now no sex and no masterbation - I just get down right grumpy, bitchy and irritable. It's as if orgasams keep my brain chemicals balanced. Too bad it took me so long to realize this.

Somegeezer 12-24-2010 06:23 PM

-couldn't- care less. There is no less care I could have for it, because I care the lowest amount.

Breathesgirl 12-24-2010 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SNeacail (Post 56858)
My personal observation: As a women, the more I get sex, the more I crave it and when there are long breaks with no sex, the easier it is not to have it (some of my friends have said the same thing). When I have a long break without sex, I have to mentally phsyc myself up to welcome it again. Of course, this now adds a guilt factor because I feel that I should want sex, but I'm not in "the mood". I have to override my mood and just do it. Once things gets started again, I'm back to craving it.:D

Now no sex and no masterbation - I just get down right grumpy, bitchy and irritable. It's as if orgasams keep my brain chemicals balanced. Too bad it took me so long to realize this.

Agreed although there are times when I MUST have it, usually those times are leading up to my monthlies.

For the most part though I don't have to have it. It's great when it's there but my toys see more action with me than either of my partners do due to low libido, ED, & other factors.

Tonberry 12-24-2010 11:27 PM

I agree with SN: me too, the less I have sex, the harder it is to have sex again. It becomes almost a chore, there is much more pressure, etc. If I do have sex, I'm more likely to have it again. Then again, it's not a sure thing either.

I don't need sex to feel love, but I do think it's a different kind of love without the sex. I don't think it's friendship though, I still think it's love.

I also don't see sex as something that's independent on other people. I mean, if I'm missing sex with one person, I'd never go get it with someone else, because they're just different things. And similarly, having lots of sex with one person won't mean I'll "need" it less from someone else. I don't have a "sex" gauge that can be filled up by anyone. It's more of an intimacy thing that's dependent on each person, depending on how close I feel to them, how much I trust them and how attracted I am to them. However I can feel close to someone emotionally and not physically, or have a phase of not desiring intimacy with a specific person (or altogether).

vodkafan 12-25-2010 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Somegeezer (Post 56868)
-couldn't- care less. There is no less care I could have for it, because I care the lowest amount.

Somegeezer you got the grammar right. If you think about it it only makes sense that way. I don't know when people started saying it the other way.

Tonberry 12-25-2010 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vodkafan (Post 56888)
Somegeezer you got the grammar right. If you think about it it only makes sense that way. I don't know when people started saying it the other way.

As far as I know, it started as an ironic statement, but then people starting using either of them interchangeably, possibly without looking too much into it.

TL4everu2 12-25-2010 01:41 AM

It's an American thing. You wouldn't understand. :p

preciselove 12-25-2010 03:13 AM

Sex is fun, but time to time I feel pressure to perform which makes it less fun. You also need to be rather fit to have good sex, which is a good reason to be fit I suppose.

How do people here keep sex with long term, non NRE partners interesting?


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