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-   -   Should I go there? Or leave it well alone... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45170)

Esperema 04-20-2013 01:26 PM

Should I go there? Or leave it well alone...
Ahhhh.... this is going to be long.

So I have been seeing this guy K for a little while now. I spend a fair bit of time at his house and stay overnight at least once a week, up to four nights a week. Right from the beginning, one of his housemates and I have hit it off. Extremely well. To the point where I'm just as happy and excited to see both of them. As is my 3yo daughter. I'm definitely attracted to both of them - physically, mentally, emotionally. Although they have lots of similarities they are also quite different and I love them both for these differences. We spend a lot of time all together and usually all three of us are considered in decisions, meals, outings etc. It feels like a family, the only thing missing is the physical side. I absolutely crave to be affectionate towards them both.

His housemate is flirty with me so I'm pretty sure it's a mutual attraction, there is definitely some connection there that I really want to explore. I'm also quite aware that K is aware of it. It has come up once in conversation when I was actually referring to something else, saying that I'd like to see my past girlfriend again, K somehow took half of what I said and assumed I was talking about wanting to sleep with his housemate. It was actually that moment when I realised it all kind of clicked for all of us. But no more was said about it and life went on as normal. Now I've reached a point where I want things to be out in the open. I want to be able to be openly affectionate with both of them. I need the tension to break.

I know the next step is to talk to K about 'opening' our relationship. I'm rubbish at the whole tact thing (eeep!) so there's a very high chance of me fucking this up. I'm also wondering whether it's all a bit close to home .. should just I leave it? Am I way out of line falling for his housemate?

My fear is that K might decide that he no longer wants to be involved, which would make things very awkward and basically impossible for me to pursue a relationship with either of them since I would definitely feel uncomfortable going to visit his housemate at their house and not be with K. And I do love K and really enjoy spending time with him, so don't want to push him out of the picture.

Any suggestions on how I should bring this up? How to soften the blow, I mean. Basically tell me what to say so I don't put my foot in it too far :P haha. But seriously, what are some more delicate ways to broach the subject?

Any opinions and advice greatly appreciated :) Thank you.

GalaGirl 04-21-2013 01:32 AM


That was weird the other day when I was talking about my GF and you thought I wanted to sleep with your housemate. What's that all about? Like jealous? Or like titillated?
See his response, then proceed from there?


NutBusterX 04-22-2013 10:46 PM

I agree with GalaGirl, from the perspective of a man. There isn't anything deceptive about bringing the conversation up as "weird" or an unusual occurrence, and wanting to explore thoughts you each might have.

My advice though, rid yourself of any expectations you might have. Its ok to be prepared for different directions the discussion might take, but too much weight placed on an expected outcome can sometimes set us up for emotional slips, trips, and falls.

Just bring it up lightly and naturally as a discussion and see where things go. You might be surprised :)

Be honest and be kind. Good luck!

heartforge 06-29-2013 01:31 AM

How's it going?
Hey Esperema,

How did you go? Did you go there?

More to the point, are you going okay?

Have you been able to get to the Brisbane poly group?

Take care,

JustUs 06-29-2013 02:23 PM

My best advice is just to talk to him about it, without expectations. If he is not comfortable with it right at the moment, at least you brought it up as something you would be interested in pursuing. A lot of guys, myself included are often shocked or taken aback by something my wife may say or suggest we do, or something along those lines. But once I have time to ponder or think on it, the idea or suggestion she put out there might actually be interesting to do. Your boyfriend may initially be a little shocked, especially if poly or opening your relationship had never been discussed before, but maybe its something he' thought about in the past but never brought it up...
I also have to say, personally, I think venturing into a poly relationship is much easier to do with someone who is already friends with the both of us rather then trying a new relationship with a stranger.
Good Luck and let us know how things go.

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