Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   Interesting week (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45166)

lizzygirl2412 04-20-2013 12:51 PM

Interesting week
 
Hello all
Was on the road this week and got out a little more than usual.
I met someone, its a woman and I really like her. Very sweet and just very easy to talk to and get along with. K was able to speak to her on the phone.
We are all suppose to go to dinner on friday. So this is my question, since you all know I am new to this whole thing..
What do I ask, what do I look for, are there any red flags that I should be aware of?? Am I just rushing this now because of M?? IDK at this point.

AnnabelMore 04-20-2013 04:02 PM

Seems like a difficult time to be starting something new, when you're still dealing with the fallout of your husband's cheating (I'd assume that's not completely resolved after so little time??). I'd probably hold off if I were you, you don't want her to get sucked into any drama. That said...

Things I would ask:
- Normal date questions (where'd you grow up, what do you like, etc.)
- Relationship orientation questions (have you done poly before, what are you looking for out of poly, do you have an ideal relationship configuration in mind or do you just let things happen as they happen, are you looking for poly-fidelity or an open model, etc.)
- Emotional resilience questions (would you say you get jealous easily, do you need to hear from people you're involved with every day in order to feel happy and secure, etc.)

Red flags:
- Lack of experience (obviously everyone has to start somewhere, but poly is Relationships 201, so to speak)
- Issues with jealousy/insecurity, etc.
- General flakiness/craziness

Another big red flag from the other end of things would be if your husband is going to try to push this into being a situation where she's involved with both of you, rather than let her figure out what she'd like (just you, just him, some combination thereof) herself. I mean, I'm sorry, but that guy kind of seems like he's more than happy to manipulate situations to get what he wants......

lizzygirl2412 04-20-2013 04:51 PM

She has never been in a poly relationship before but seems open to one. So far from the little we did talk she seems very open and honest. I really enjoy our conversations.
As for K, he says after all that has happen I can do what I want and he will just let me take the lead and he will not argue with anything.
Feels kind of odd being a little on the dom side of a D/s relationship but I really feel he owes me this one. selfish??

AnnabelMore 04-20-2013 05:39 PM

Not selfish at all. :)

Just be careful, since she's new to poly, of her feelings and expectations. Make sure to communicate often and clearly. Maybe encourage her to do some reading on poly if she never has before (www.morethantwo.com is my go-to).

Good luck!

lizzygirl2412 04-20-2013 10:53 PM

site
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore (Post 198391)
Not selfish at all. :)

Just be careful, since she's new to poly, of her feelings and expectations. Make sure to communicate often and clearly. Maybe encourage her to do some reading on poly if she never has before (www.morethantwo.com is my go-to).

Good luck!

Great site, thank you!!


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:54 AM.