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-   -   Showing affection in front of other partners (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4514)

pixie 12-21-2010 10:43 AM

Showing affection in front of other partners
 
I was just wondering if people could share, how comfortable/acceptable it is in their own situations to show physical affection when other partners are there (in vee-type relationships, I mean, not triads where obviously that would be different!)


What I mean is, if you have two (or more) partners who do not have a relationship between themselves, do you hug/touch arms or legs affectionately/kiss/cuddle/make out with one whilst the other is there, if you are all hanging out together? And in what context is that - partners are on equal footing, or one is primary one is secondary etc? Have you had discussions with each of your partners about what they find comfortable/acceptable about seeing you express physical affection with others?

I'm just learning more about polyamory and working out what I want from my own situation.

Somegeezer 12-21-2010 12:38 PM

I've not yet had experience with it, but it's certainly something I've thought about. It'll be interesting to hear how other people do this.

In my head, it does feel kinda strange if I were just showing affection to one partner. But I think sometimes, people say or do something that just makes you want to hug and kiss them.

Talking with it about your partners and finding out what they are comfortable with beforehand, I would think is a good idea.

If I were one of these partners witnessing the others show affection, I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. In fact, I'd probably be very happy for their love and have a big smile on my face that they were comfortable enough around me to show their love for each other. =]

TruckerPete 12-21-2010 01:24 PM

We are all at a place where any affection I would deem parent appropriate is comfortable for all involved. So, chaste kisses, long hugs, and cuddles are all fine.

It certainly didn't start that way; I think hand-holding was about the limit. But we talked, explored our own comfort levels, and found what was right for us.

booklady78 12-21-2010 01:54 PM

At first, it was awkward to show any affection in front of each other. I don't think I would ever be comfortable making out in front of one of them, but hugs, kisses and touching now occur regularly between either my husband or boyfriend and I. I very clearly remember meeting my husbands girlfriend for the first time, the 3 of us went for coffee. As she was leaving, he gave her a hug goodbye, his head resting on top of hers. It was beautiful (go compersion!), I really loved being able to see him show such tenderness towards someone else :) My own personal belief is that showing affection is natural and healthy. Just as kids seeing their parents show affection with hugs and kisses isn't overtly sexual, it's just demonstrating the bond they have with one another.

Somegeezer 12-21-2010 01:59 PM

Just as a bit of common sense, I don't think pouncing on any of your partners and sticking your toungue down their throat would be appropriate in any public place, whether you were will other partners or not. It's not something the general public really need to see. =P

I do agree with the beauty of hugs and kisses though. Compersion indeed! I love seeing people happy. =]

Breathesgirl 12-21-2010 02:45 PM

Making out=no. That is for private moments.

What is your definition of making out? For me it's groping, french kissing, touching private parts, biting & the like.

Hugging, kissing, cuddling are all good. I've been known to sit between my two guys and play footsie with both of them at the same time, lol.

Basically if you would do something in front of your kids and other given family then it's OK to do that thing in front of partners.

I remember when Possibility and I first started dating Breathes and I were at their apartment & preparing to leave. Possibility and I were trading hugs. Breathes walked up behind me and pinched my behind at the same moment Possibility nipped my neck! Surprised and happy was I :D.

MonoVCPHG 12-21-2010 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl (Post 56529)

Basically if you would do something in front of your kids and other given family then it's OK to do that thing in front of partners.

.

Nicely put :)

TruckerPete 12-21-2010 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl (Post 56529)
Basically if you would do something in front of your kids and other given family then it's OK to do that thing in front of partners.

Agreed. That is what I meant by "parent-appropriate."

Breathesgirl 12-21-2010 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruckerPete (Post 56535)
Agreed. That is what I meant by "parent-appropriate."

*face/palm*!

I read that as child appropriate! duh! Same concept though, lol.

Thanx Mono.

TruckerPete 12-21-2010 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl (Post 56577)
*face/palm*!

I read that as child appropriate! duh! Same concept though, lol.

Thanx Mono.

Yup, I don't have kids yet! :D


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