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sterling119 04-18-2013 04:37 PM

just joined forum last week.
Hello to all here, I joined the forum to get some insight into our new poly life. My wife and I have recently entered into what I thing would be called a v and might like to hear others thoughts and advice.

Here is our story. We have a friend (male) that we grew up with and actually had been a sexual partner of my wifes years ago. She and I have been married for over 20 years and they did have some fun from time to time even after we married as we were kinda lite swingers, not really total lifestyle folks but not total angels either. We both enjoyed his company socially as well and he is one of my "lifelong" friends so it could be said we know him well. The sexual part of our relationship stopped when he got married 14 years ago and started a new chapter in his life, until recently happy and living a short distance away we had kept in contact from time to time but totally vanilla.

Fast forward to 2 months ago when he had told us that he and his wife had not been getting along for quite some time and had decided to call it quits and file for divorce. We were sorry to hear this as we hate to see that happen to anyone but as we all know 50% of marriages do end that way and the split seems friendly so that is a good thing. Since he and his wife were in business together he decided to take a new job that only leaves him home on the weekends. This being said he still needed a place to live and since we have a large house with a room above our kitchen that has a private stairway we of course said he could stay there as long as he needed to and he accepted although not right away. He did eventually move his things in and start staying there. The first weekend it was nice to see him and we all got along well enjoying eachothers company as old friends would talking about old times and what was to lay ahead with his impending divorce and new job. The wife and I went through our week as we do and friday came around again with him coming home to our place. More of the same dinner, talk, laugh and enjoy company. I had noticed the wife flirting more then normal and asked her what was up when she told me she still had feelings for him and thinks he does for her as well by the way he was flirting and touching from time to time. I told her she knows it is ok by me to find out but not to pressure him with all that is going on. Well to shorten this up, they talked, didn't do anything but she said she knew he wanted to. He went off for the week and we talked throughout the week about what could happen. The next weekend the flirting continued until saturday when they couldn't keep their hands off eachother any more and eventually "did the deed" with my blessing. Both enjoyed but by the time it finally happened there was no more time before work got in the way so we all had time to think about it. Her and I decided maybe this was ment to be and if he wanted to pursue a poly life maybe we should. Talking during the week with both was good and as a gift I went out of town the next weekend on a business trip and just stayed out all weekend to give them time to get on track and find out if things would work. Needless to say things worked well...very well and they were both glowing when I got home sunday. They dated, had sex and slept together that weekend with both of them wanting more. As this is so long already I will just say we are happy and find it works well for all of us so far. we are now 2 months into this and all is going well. Splitting time with us is something new but we seem to have worked it out. So anyone with advice or comments please feel free and help guide us through something new for us......

NutBusterX 04-18-2013 04:58 PM

Hi Sterling,
I'm jim. Welcome to the forum and congratulations on a successful start of this new relationship! I'm certain challenges will develop, but it sounds to me as though the three of you are handling things very nicely so far. :)

kdt26417 04-18-2013 08:19 PM

Greetings sterling119,
Welcome to our forum.

It is wonderful to hear about when a V comes together so smoothly; it doesn't always happen like that. If you hit some bumps in the road the next few years, don't be discouraged; that often happens to new poly units. You get each other's quirks figured out, and eventually things settle into what I call the "blissfully boring" (no drama).

The other "arm of your V" sounds like a great guy, and it helps a lot that you two guys already have a strong friendship. Hey you both obviously have awesome taste in women, right? :)

I hope Polyamory.com is a good help for you in times of need, and during the good times as well. Have a look at our various threads and see what calls to you; post any thoughts or questions that you may have.

Good to have you aboard.
Kevin T.

sterling119 04-19-2013 01:28 AM

thanks for the welcome
I am sure things will be bumpy from time to time but so far it is going well. She had always had a love for him an so it was easy to fall into this relationship. So far it's going well and with him only home on the weekends we still have our "normal" marriage during the week. I know for sure she can't wait for him to get home on friday nights and this weekend they will have all day sunday and sunday night to themselves as I have to be out of town for the day for training and then work so I am sure they will enjoy the time together. The only thing so far is that we wish he would open up more to us and quit playing with that damn i phone....that drives me nuts....lol.

kdt26417 04-19-2013 06:12 AM

Ha-ha, you've already encountered one of those quirks (that damn iPhone :)). You might consider having family talks once a week or once a month or something; these would be occasions for you to say, "Can I make a request? a bit less of the iPhone and a bit more of just talking?" How you communicate is as important as what you communicate.

Sounds like things are going pretty well so far for the most part. That's good to hear.

sterling119 04-19-2013 12:06 PM

a new weekend.
we are headed into another weekend tonight so we will see how it goes. I know she is excited to have him home for the weekend so it should be good...at least for her and if she is happy so am I. We are going to try to get him to watch some tv with us on the couch tonight with her cuddled up between us both before they go upstairs to start a sex and loved filled weekend together. I have had her all week so I am good with it and I have to admit it is pretty damn hot to hear them pleasure eachother....lol. Not sure of the sleeping arrangements yet that is something we will have to work out but I think we are splitting nights this weekend. Interesting to see how this unfolds...

kdt26417 04-19-2013 07:37 PM

Well keep us posted, it sounds promising.

nancyfore 04-20-2013 06:01 PM

Hi Sterling119,

You seem to have such a lovely V, and my best wishes for a smooth future together...


Magdlyn 04-20-2013 06:46 PM

Sounds like an almost perfect set up. Good luck!

Is he apartment hunting or are you good with him staying there at your place?

sterling119 04-21-2013 04:02 AM

as of now the wife wants him here as long as he wants to stay and I feel the same. We all get along very well an things are going smoothly. I am sure there will be issues in the future but he is content being here and we are content having him here.

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