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-   -   husband and wife in utah new to poly and this site (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=44770)

alongcamepoly3 04-14-2013 11:46 PM

husband and wife in utah new to poly and this site
 
i am 22 and my husband is 23 we live in Utah and are new to the poly community. frankly im a little confused we want to add a third relationship to our marriage. we are not looking for a hook up but a serious commitment from another female to be a girlfriend to both me and my husband. how did you introduce yourselves to the poly world and what are some ways you went about finding someone for your relationship?

JaneQSmythe 04-15-2013 12:00 AM

Hello and Welcome to the Forums!

Quote:

Originally Posted by alongcamepoly3 (Post 196948)
i am 22 and my husband is 23 we live in Utah and are new to the poly community.

Everyone is "new" at some point. The "poly community" is a wide and diverse population. How did you come to decide to investigate polyamory?

Quote:

Originally Posted by alongcamepoly3 (Post 196948)
...we want to add a third relationship to our marriage. we are not looking for a hook up but a serious commitment from another female to be a girlfriend to both me and my husband.

If you poke around the forums you will see a number of threads where couples looking to "add a third" are referred to as "Unicorn Hunters" (a couple looking for a bisexual woman to be a girlfriend to both of them). This is a very common idea when people are first considering polyamory. You may want to read this article so that you are braced for it when the phrase comes up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by alongcamepoly3 (Post 196948)
.. how did you introduce yourselves to the poly world and what are some ways you went about finding someone for your relationship?

My personal journey didn't include "introducing myself" to the poly world or "finding someone" so I don't know how helpful my story would be (you can read about my journey my "Journey" blog on this site). From my perspective, relationships are things that grow and develop, whether I look for them or not, so I just let myself be open to whatever develops.

Jane!

BSP83 04-15-2013 12:15 AM

Welcome! We're in Utah as well. I'm sorry I don't have advice to offer on finding anyone...in our situation, my best friend and I dated first, then she and my husband started dating too and the three of us are a triad.

kdt26417 04-15-2013 01:13 AM

Hi alongcamepoly3,
Welcome to our forum.

Along came a polly,
And sat down by Holly,
And frightened Miss Holly away.

Hurrr ... hurrr ... okay pay no attention to that. :)

I am also originally from Utah so small world, ;)

Re:
Quote:

"How did you introduce yourselves to the poly world and what are some ways you went about finding someone for your relationship?"
Oh dear, I didn't really go about finding someone for my poly relationship, I just kind of "fell into one." I guess you could say I "introduced myself to the poly world," similar to how you did ... I signed up on a poly forum and said, "Hi poly world!" (to paraphrase.)

You might try our Dating & Friendships subforum, that sometimes helps you find people in your area. Try also:

http://www.pof.com/
http://www.okcupid.com/
http://polyamory.meetup.com/
http://www.polymatchmaker.com/
http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=11

And,

Quote:

"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

Those are just some thoughts/ideas, don't know which if any will help.

Glad you could join us,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

nancyfore 04-15-2013 10:51 PM

Hi...

Welcome and good luck in your search...

Though we (nutbusterx and I) started out thinking that a "unicorn" would be our idea of a perfect poly relationship, our initial foray into poly hood was a long distance gf for him, then a local gf for him. So your thinking and situation could always change..lol

Nancy

NutBusterX 04-16-2013 04:49 AM

Hello to both of you and welcome to the forum. I'm Jim. It's a great place with tons of info and many people with good ideas and suggestions. Best of luck!


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