Marvin's Story- Zepplin, Nina Simone & Linkin Park
Led Zepplin, Nina Simone, and Linkin Park
Marvin's story- First off, I am using the musical references that I feel describe each of us out of respect for our families who don't know and wouldn't understand our situation.
Linkin Park is me- kinda young, fast paced, and energetic with a little bit of an undertone of angry.
Nina Simone is one wife- gritty, full of raw love and emotion while sweet and oh so sexy.
Led Zepplin is one wife- rock and roll and sex appeal, wrapped up in a package that transcends traditional stereotypical (mis)conception.
I met Nina and Led Zepplin long ago doing what I did best then- playing pool, foosball, and partying. I was immediately taken with Nina- absolutely breathtaking. She was the epitome of the girl that was way out of my league- smart, funny, and drop dead gorgeous.
Led Zepplin and I forged a friendship over coffee every morning on my way to work- she was just like me but with different hardware. Our backgrounds are similar as was our interests- she was kind of a tomboy- in to fast cars and shooting pool. Nina and Led Zepplin were close friends and I got along great with them. I must admit here that I did look for any and every opportunity to spend a minute or two with Nina- I mean I could hang out, talk and laugh with my dream girl- I was infatuated quite honestly.
My hand was crushed in an accident, leaving me in a cast for nearly a year. Nina needed new brakes on her car and I donned my cape and came to the rescue- one handed. That evening Nina kissed me, oh so briefly, standing in her garage and I nearly fainted- seriously I sat straight down when she walked away. A month or so later, Nina and I were lounging around sharing a laugh and she let me in on a little secret- she and Led Zepplin were a couple- what the.... In my incredibly narrow minded reality at the time I had only heard of female, bi or lesbian if you will, couples, never had I encountered one, let alone KNEW ONE! Alas, she was in fact out of my league. But for the next 11 or so years we remained great friends; Led Zepplin and I having coffee and talking about pool, big block Chevys, and fishing and Nina and I sharing our friendship as it was- they were the people I could take my problems to- any problems without fear of judgement.
During this time I was married, monogamously, to the mother of my two children. They supported me (and my wife at the time) through multiple major surgeries that my newborn son had- gave me strength and support when I brought them the problems that I could take to no one else. My marriage did not last, as I was quite selfish and immature, she took it upon herself to find what she needed elsewhere (some call it cheating), and I looked for what I needed in the bottom of beer cans and liquor bottles.
On my own now, I dove head first into work and at a trade show, while setting up a display booth, who should walk past but Nina. She took one look and said "You've grown up a little (she later told me she always sort of saw me as a little brother- go figure). Do you want to go get something to eat after the show?" Absolutely... She, Led Zepplin and I went out for dinner that very night. This is when they introduced me to what they had termed "the boyfriend plan" and asked if I would like to have my application considered- HELL YES! And move it to the top of the list....
Hence began the most incredible relationship I have ever had...
To be continued...
At first, there was plenty of NRE flowing between the three of us... I was now not only a friend but there was a romantic connection between the three of us. We each had time together and things were going good. There was little time between the onset of our relationship and my being a live in part of their household. Having known each Zepplin and Nina individually and as a couple, I had much, much more respect for the relationship between them than I did for either relationship with me. I had even set forth one condition at the beginning of this relationship- if I begin to come between you, that's it all done and ill move on.
I felt very much like a third wheel and that I had no right to ask for the companionship that I needed but they each took great care in making me feel like I was a part of their , and now our, relationship.
It didn't take long for a much deeper connection to form between Nina and I- one that I could not have imagined. We spent a lot of time together and I began to concentrate on building this relationship, but not on building a relationship with Zepplin as well. Nina's family accepted me with open arms and I was immediately a part of their family. About six months after we got together I proposed to Nina in front of her family and she accepted.
I must pause for a moment here and tell you about what is going on with the other side of this relationship- as Nina and Zepplin have been "roommates"for many years, she was very much a part of Nina's family. In my infinite narcissism, I failed to stop and realize that I was being handed all of the things that Zepplin wanted as her partner but could never, ever have....and I trotted right along as if I were doing just what I was supposed to do. (That is still hard to admit and even write down to this day) Needless to say I was laying the foundation for jealousy and resentment between the two of us.
While all of this is going on, these two ladies are trying desperately to bring to my attention my sincere lack of understanding for others feelings- and I'm fighting tooth and nail... I had lived in my own world- ruled by me and disguised by my own defense mechanisms- for a LONG time. So far they had reeled me in from drowning in a sea of alcoholism and self destructive behavior, but my entire paradigm was shifting and I was reeling from the multitude of changes. I didn't like it. Times were very hard for us right now- we were all committed to making this work but the arguments that stemmed from my lack of personal introspection coupled with the sincere emotions that radiated (sometimes exploded) from Nina and the thankless position that Zepplin had been put in (yet continued to fight for the right cause-us not her or any combination other than the three of us) had boiled a stew that took each of us to our breaking point more than once.
Never the less, we stuck with it, fought it out when we needed to, and continued to turn toward each other.
The three of us traveled to California in 2008 and were married on the beach at sunset.
I have since grown and matured very much and in the past few years Zepplin and I have fostered our friendship into the relationship that it should have been in the first place and so far things are going very very well between the three of us.
In 2009 it so happened that an opportunity presented itself that Nina and I could move across the state to offer our son a better education and I a better job. As Nina and Zepplin had not been apart in well over a decade, and Zepplin and my relationship mending but still somewhat unsteady, this was an extremely difficult decision but one that we were faced with and had to be made. We all decided that it was an opportunity that could not be passed up. Queue the second largest bonehead, insensitive course of action that I chose to take- having not ever really established a "home" of my own since I have been on my own (the household in which I lived with my children and their mother did not fit such a bill- I did, and still very very much do love my kids and see them every couple of weeks and talk to them almost daily) I did not realize the emotional toll that such a separation could take on Nina and Zepplin and as such was blissfully unaware and insensitive to this fact. As far as I was concerned- we were moving- lets pack and get this deal done.
By now anyone that has toiled through this diatribe of mine must consider me quite the insensitive, immature, selfish asshole that does not, in any way, deserve the love and respect that each of these ladies have given (and continue to do so) to me. You are absolutely correct because at this point in my life I was this person- why they stuck with it- hell I probably would not have truthfully- but they did and so did I. This is not me today... This past serves as a reminder every day to me that this relationship that we have is about love and trust and understanding; something that they possessed at this time I did not.
We have lived apart for almost five years, seeing each other as often as possible and sharing each little tidbit of time that we can get our hands on. A lot of tears, admissions, and healing have brought us closer than I could have ever imagined. I am ever so grateful to these ladies; my friends, companions, and lovers.
We will be together again, under the same roof as we were, but now different people, in a few months. I cannot wait to share with them the next chapter our life with this new dynamic.
Our song continues...
October 2015.... It's been a while since I have visited the forums- many, many great things have happened in our lives and lot has changed. Nina and I have (finally) moved back home, our oldest son has become a dad, thrusting us forward into grandparenthood... Whoa... (Moment of silence for us... ...) ;)
In all seriousness tho, we are all SO incredibly happy with our new grandson!
Once we all got back under one roof there was definitely some more changing/ growing that needed to happen.... Living alone, Zeppelin was put in a position to have to take care of herself regarding her day to day responsibilities and routine... Nina and I had grown together, worked on our relationship (both together and as is related to our overall goal of our polyamorous trio) and gained some very valuable information about each other. Not that we all weren't in constant contact with one another during this time but there was definitely a "re-acclimation period" for us all upon our return. We have been home about two years now so we have moved well past that and are back to working on us.
One thing I have noticed is that if your individual relationships are not sound then you are building nothing more than a breeding ground for jealousy and resentful emotions. Once I realized the amount of work that it takes to be in an actual real, productive relationship there were a couple of times that I would look at myself in the mirror and just silently wonder WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!! To build, foster, and grow a relationship takes tremendous effort, constant thought, and sacrifice of ones self that knows no end.... Times two. Not only do you have to know and understand your friend, partner, and lover but, in my idea of a relationship, you have to think ahead and know what she will want and need to be happy. Just as each snowflake that falls on your nose is infinitely different, so are the beautiful ladies (or guys- to each your own...) that you have chosen to take care of and to love.
As we learned from 'The Five Love Languages', each one of us has a different means by which we express our love and in turn want it expressed back to us. My ladies are 'Acts of Service' and 'Receiving Gifts' kinda gals so you can't just go and buy something for each of them and expect that you will make them both happy. (Side note: buying a gift for your lady is near always a fantastic idea- never, ever buy an appliance for use around the house or kitchen unless you have been expressly directed to do so!!) You must learn how each person in your relationship expresses themselves, copes with life, communicates with people, and how they each want the same reciprocated. Once you clear that hurdle- life will get so much easier and you and your people will be much happier...
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