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-   -   Hello from Lady Thorn...help if you can (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4451)

MariaThorn 12-13-2010 03:57 AM

Hello from Lady Thorn...help if you can
 
I am Maria I have two girl friends we've been together for 5 years. It's been a great, crazy, and stressing 5 years. I think it's time we get a new girl friend because I think three needs some balance. Or maybe it's just time to call it quits. Things have been rocky lately with one of my girl friends but I love our life style, and don't really want to give it up. One girl friend thinks it's a bad idea, and the other girl friend agrees with me. We just been having trouble. At first there was this attention problem. We've been thinking about adding someone else. Well if you have any advice please share.

Somegeezer 12-13-2010 10:30 AM

First off, don't write in silly fonts, they are hard to read. Secondly, I'm not sure what you're asking.

NeonKaos 12-13-2010 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Somegeezer (Post 55668)
First off, don't write in silly fonts, they are hard to read.


What he said.

Breathesgirl 12-13-2010 03:31 PM

Now that I can read it......

It's a little difficult to understand the question but if I'm reading it correctly...you shouldn't be adding someone else to relationships that already are having problems. A new relationship might mask the problem for a time but it will eventually come back even stronger than before. Work on the problem at hand first so it can be banished then work on adding someone else.

Somegeezer 12-13-2010 09:24 PM

Thanks NK for changing the font.

I'm still not clear on what is being said, but it sounds like there are problems with 3 in this relationship and a fourth is wanting to be added? That just seems like a bad idea to me. You should work on fixing what problems you have before you bring more into the relationship.

nycindie 12-13-2010 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MariaThorn (Post 55643)
I think three needs some balance . . . We just been having trouble . . . We've been thinking about adding someone else.

Three is a very balanced number if the three people are balanced.

I don't think adding another person, like an extra ingredient to a recipe that isn't working, would do much to help. Not only that, but what fourth person would want to be added like that to a situation that needs help? It's rather unkind to do that to another human being, and would be such a burden on them! Why should it be that person's job to fix the three of you -- what would she get out of it? What would you give her, actually? Not much, if the three of you are already in such bad shape. I may be new to polyamory, but if I were invited into that kind of dynamic, I'd be like, "Ick, I'm outta here."

Self-examination is what you all need. What is the problem in your present relationships? What do each of you want and need from each other? What is getting in the way of having those wants and needs met? Better to look inside, not outside. Talk, get in therapy, be compassionate to yourselves and each other. If it's broken, fix it (whether that means staying or leaving), but don't add people.


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