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-   -   D/s dynamic messing with things? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=44421)

Rix 04-09-2013 07:16 PM

D/s dynamic messing with things?
 
I am good friends with W and want to try a relationship, and I have my spouse's support in this. W is poly and a sub, the problem is W's dom (let's call M), while encouraging W to find another partner so long as said partner is approved, M is not exactly willing to communicate with me so I can obtain that permission. It's been a rough road so far, but I have not gotten a 'yes' or a 'no'. W says M has actually given permission for everything and anything so long as it's never talked about between them. That seems really confusing to me. I am not interested in messing with their dynamic at all, but I wonder: should I keep trying to respect their relationship by trying to communicate and get permission only to get ignored, or should I trust W's words about technically having permission and give it a go?

nancyfore 04-10-2013 12:00 AM

I have no idea what happens between a dom and a sub, but wouldn't a dom want to know and/or approve of things that happen with their sub?

Do you feel comfortable going ahead with a relationship without knowing for sure if everything is ok? Or are you thinking that you need the expressed approval?

AnnabelMore 04-10-2013 12:31 PM

"encouraging W to find another partner so long as said partner is approved"
"W says M has actually given permission for everything and anything so long as it's never talked about between them"

So... it's a DADT relationship, except that when telling does happen, then M has veto power?

Yeah, that really IS confusing, and would be whether this was a D/s relationship or not. Honestly, I think you could either go for it or not go for it and still be considered an ethical person, since you've tried to follow their rules. I mean, if you've been attempting to get in contact with M, then at least he's aware of you. But I wouldn't pursue it, myself. Too much weirdness. Either wait until W is willing to resolve the issue his/herself (why can't he/she just request that M contact you? is their power exchange really that total?), or find someone with a less schizophrenic set of rules.


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