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-   -   thread on sex addiction (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4433)

redpepper 12-10-2010 06:50 AM

thread on sex addiction
 
http://www.theshamefreezone.com/blog/blog6.php

I found this super interesting and thought I would add it as sometimes people suggest that they are poly/open/swingers etc because of sex addiction... perhaps this will shed some light on the topic.

(Veronica Monet does a podcast too if anyone is interested http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id386700802)

FitChick 12-10-2010 07:46 AM

Most interesting! I have 'met' true addicts online,they hide behind their computers and rarely have a 'normal' relationship with a woman..they don't know how to!
As far as the celebrities go,well,I never thought Tiger was an addict,more an habitual cheater who liked the attention and the 'ego' involved. I see sports stars down here with women that are not their wives and girlfriends and it seems like people accept that it is just something that goes with the territory,I don't subscribe to that myself..

vodkafan 12-11-2010 04:01 PM

I wanted to try being a sex addict once so I asked my wife for a more regular supply ;)

vodkafan 12-11-2010 04:02 PM

Sorry to lower the tone redpepper that was a joke couldn't resist:o

Ariakas 12-11-2010 04:29 PM

I have actually done some reading on this. And this is covered in depth on one of the seasons of Dr Drew. They bring in sex addicts and you learn quite a bit about it. In the case of the 8 or 10 participants this is a little summary

Some are addicted to the physical chemical reaction, like any other drug
Some are addicted to the romantic side of having sex with someone new
Some are addicted to fresh love
All people required this to be NEW. Old partners etc, could not fulfill this need. So increasing the number of times you have sex with your wife would not make it better.

All three groups demonstrate these addictions by having sex with anyone they can. In the midst of what is pretty crappy television there is some good information released.

Obviously the show was a small segment and involved "stars" who were addicted. So it is a small subsection of narcissistic people. But it was interesting to watch how the addiction is more akin to chemical addiction than simply masturbating all the time. They really were craving that chemical release. One of the stars was a drummer from many rock bands. Had never touched drugs, didn'tlike to drink, but had had sex with 1000's of women. He had made the connection that his addiction was no better/worse than the guy addicted to heroin.

I think non-monogamy does attract sex addicts (hell how can't it, its pretty much an open door). We see serial monogamists become serial polyamorists. We see people jumping from person to person trying to get a fix, before NRE is even complete. Unfortunately that will be the connection made to non-monogamy, its bound to happen and you can't fault the general public for this connection as sex addiction becomes more prominent.

Erin 12-15-2010 08:16 AM

@ Ariakas: very interesting response. Thank you for sharing. I can understand why a person can get addicted to sex. People get so lonely that they begin to crave the one thing that is denied them. Then it builds and eventually gets out of hand when left untreated. Perhaps if the loneliness (or whatever) was addressed early on, the addiction might not get out of hand. Who really knows? Sex is pretty darn nice, especially when its with someone new...

serialmonogamist 07-03-2011 06:33 PM

Some of these responses seem to suggest that sex addiction is the product of deprivation, but isn't that like saying a person in AA avoiding alcohol is more addicted than someone who is still in denial of their addiction? Generally, I find that you only really find out how addicted you are to something when you try to stop using it. I think that people who have regular sex in whatever way have developed a habit that is very hard to break. This is, I think, why so many monogamous breakups are immediately followed by rebound relationships instead of people taking some time to themselves and re-centering. Idk, though, are there people who can have sex regularly for a long period of time and then go without for an equally long period without feelings of withdrawal?

nycindie 07-03-2011 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist (Post 89827)
This is, I think, why so many monogamous breakups are immediately followed by rebound relationships instead of people taking some time to themselves and re-centering.

I think it's more common for monos not to seek out new relationships on the rebound. Society has conditioned most monogamous people to be cautious about that. Whenever I heard about someone on the rebound was looking to get involved with someone, I ran in the other direction. It's generally common knowledge that rebound relationships will be fraught with trouble and/or drama.

serialmonogamist 07-03-2011 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 89830)
I think it's more common for monos not to seek out new relationships on the rebound. Society has conditioned most monogamous people to be cautious about that. Whenever I heard about someone on the rebound was looking to get involved with someone, I ran in the other direction. It's generally common knowledge that rebound relationships will be fraught with trouble and/or drama.

When you say "looking to get involved," do you contrast that with more casual dating or all dating? My impression is that lots of people jump into casual dating and I don't know how they keep from getting involved. I seem to be better at walking away from people than I used to think I was capable of, but like most addictive things, I see a lot of people who aren't up to the challenge of resisting. Maybe I just don't see the people who are.

nycindie 07-03-2011 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist (Post 89831)
Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 89830)
I think it's more common for monos not to seek out new relationships on the rebound. Society has conditioned most monogamous people to be cautious about that. Whenever I heard about someone on the rebound was looking to get involved with someone, I ran in the other direction. It's generally common knowledge that rebound relationships will be fraught with trouble and/or drama.

When you say "looking to get involved," do you contrast that with more casual dating or all dating?

Well, most of the time, dating is where involvement begins, so yeah, that includes dating (???). One wouldn't suddenly make a huge leap from being single to being involved, without some phase of going out together and getting to know each other first - right? So, back in the days when I was single (before I got married), if someone on the rebound asked me out, I would feel very trepidatious about it and likely turned them down. Guys on the rebound were simply considered too much trouble and drama. It's a very common thing that was always reinforced - don't date people on the rebound.


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