Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Hello to all! Loving this forum! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4427)

shayme 12-09-2010 04:43 AM

Hello to all! Loving this forum!
Hello there!

I'm in a stable but stagnant marriage of ten years--but with a history of repeated "emotional affairs." I have come to the point where I no longer want to suppress my feelings simply to please society or my wife. I want to live in my emotions. I want to carry out my love adventures and let them live out for as long as the relationship is mutually beneficial. I want to practice what I have suspected was my inclination for quite some time:
giving love freely to others with no exploitation of anyone involved.

I'm male...my wife has known about my emotional affairs in the past. I recently fell in love with a coworker which happened over approximately 1.5 years. She brings a lot of joy and happiness to my life. Once the relationship became more intimate, in that it was clear we both had deep feelings for each other, I tried the dishonesty route since I feared losing my emotional relationship again, as had happened in the past. I found myself projecting my guilt on my wife, seeing her actions negatively, etc. The usual response I suppose. I couldn't take it any longer and told the other woman that I was going to be honest with my wife...I was going to be radically honest--that I wanted a life worth living...a life worth dying for.

So far the result has been wonderful, but rough at first. My wife reacted upset, anxious, depressed, etc. over the first couple of weeks. However, she was quite understanding because she knows that I have this tendency to develop meaningful relations with others quite easily. Rather than end our marriage and split, she is committed to me, just as I am to her. Her reassurances have only brought me closer to her. After being honest, I felt relief. My other lover is trying to wrap her head around the idea, as she is involved with someone as well, not married, but still...her relationship is not yet open and may never be for all I know.

Having a romantic relationship with both my wife and her, this has easily become the most wonderful time of my life. I felt that the new love I had found coupled with my honesty to my wife, created more love and connection for every relationship I had. Especially with my wife. Her support brought me closer to her. I am convinced that for me, poly would bring me the most happiness in my life because I would not be forced to suppress my emotions and cut myself off from other people simply because it may lead to an "affair."

I am happy that this has opened our eyes to this possibility of love not being a commodity to be bought/sold/hoarded. And my feelings are nothing to be ashamed of...I am who I am. Telling the truth to my wife about my love for this other person was probably one of the hardest things I have done...but it is better than the alternative of secrecy and total destruction of our relationship.

Anyhow, thanks for the forum and I'm looking forward to reading through
questions/answers/etc. on here! I'm very excited to find a community engaging in a similar quest! Finally, others that can relate!

Somegeezer 12-09-2010 06:11 AM

I'm happy that things have worked so well for you. =] Welcome to the forum. If ever you need someone to talk to freely, then don't be afraid to send a PM my way. ^_^

eklctc 12-15-2010 04:46 AM

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you have began to work out many of the kinks of learned relationship behavior and are working towards open, honest, and loving relationships. This is a great forum to gain insight and share your own journey.

OneUncagedBird 12-18-2010 03:10 AM

so amazing...
that is so cool that you were able to finally be yourself and get what you want, that often eludes most of us.....;)

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