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CGF 04-04-2013 06:07 PM

Hi!
 
I just realized about two months ago that I'm polyamorous. My gf and I have always had our problems...we love each other a lot but she could never, before this all happened, satisfy me emotionally or sexually. I would always think about the way she was so closed up to the point that I kept trying to break up with her. Every time we'd break up, though, she'd keep talking to me and we'd eventually get back together, although with the same stuff happening.

Now, I usually refuse to cheat and I hate lying to people but I wanted her to leave me alone so bad that I found another woman and fell in love with her behind my girlfriend's back. The second I slipped up a little bit, though, I confessed to it and we broke up again. But she kept talking to me and decided she wanted me back and that I had to break up with the other woman. So I did.

Well, I couldn't stop talking to the other woman either...so we got together and I broke up with the first. This happened for about a month straight; the switching back and forth until I just got tired of them manipulating me into trying to break up with the other one.

I told them both that I had had enough and broke up with them both...they kept talking to me and I told them that if they wanted me they have to accept the fact that I need to love them both. OMG there was so much crying during this but they finally accepted it.

Well, it's been about a month since we've gotten everything sorted out and the drama has pretty much stopped completely, for now. PLUS my original gf has gotten way way way more open to new experiences and her sexual technique is much better now. They don't talk to each other because they're naturally not that friendly toward one another but they both have come to terms with it.

I urge them to find other bfs but they refuse, citing that they don't want anyone else but me. I guess I'm cool with that but I can see a ton of problems in the future once the subjects of marriage and children come up...this is nice but it's definitely not a walk in the park.

Excuse my rambling and I hope I'm not a pariah to yall but if I'm not an acceptable case of polyamory, then I'm on my own.

kdt26417 04-04-2013 10:41 PM

Hi CGF,
Welcome to our forum.

You are in a "V" situation: two "arms" (your girlfriends) and one "hinge" (that would be yourself). You have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders as you must divide your time and attention equitably between two partners.

I would say that you have the option to opt out of marriage altogether, but it it ultimately up to you (and your two partners). Responsibility for the children would be based on who the parents are, but I'd assume you'd want to take responsibility for any children you had fathered.

There's also the questions of whether the three of you will live separately or in the same home together. A lot of this depends on what the women want, or if they even want to share a domicile or realistically can.

I wouldn't try to rush into any of these decisions. I would give the V time to stabilize. It would help if the women spent time together developing a platonic friendship, but if they don't want to do that, there's nothing you can do about it.

I would suggest trying to improve your relationship with each woman individually. It's not all about what they can offer you, it's about what you can offer each of them. Find out how you can do that. Get some communication going.

I would also try reading many of the threads on this site, and posting your thoughts, questions, and concerns. There is a lot you can learn here; it is an opportunity.

I hope things work out in your relationships.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

CGF 04-05-2013 01:16 AM

If I could get them to be friends, I would, lol, but they talk to each other in the whole fake polite tone but talk smack behind their backs so I know from experience how that always ends up. I'm just going to let it go the way it goes...I'm going to avoid pressuring them into staying with me and if one or both call it quits, well I guess I'm back at the drawing board.

The whole raising kids thing, though, is away in the future and even though we've all three breached the subject, we'll be happy to put it off until it's a more pressing matter...at least put off talking about it. It's definitely a thought in my mind on a regular basis.

But yeah, we're going to take it slow, fosho (lol, rhymes). Thanks for the input.

kdt26417 04-05-2013 02:30 AM

No problem. Taking it slow is probably a good idea. Hope things work out okay.


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