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-   -   Done Mono. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43974)

Gulfstream 04-01-2013 09:59 PM

Done Mono.
 
Hi everybody,

So I guess that would make me officially the new guy around here. I'm single, straight, and have been in serial mono relationships for-really-ever.

I guess when you're in a mono relationship with a woman that falls head over heels for you, and everything seems just right, but after a while you sense a void - that's when you should realize that you might have to re-visits your approach to traditional interpersonal relationship structures.

And - guess what - In the entire confusion about your own feelings, there, at some stage, comes the realization that it's just not fair. It's not fair to yourself, and certainly not to your partner when everything seems in order and in-line within structures predetermined by mainstream society. It is fair to introduce a void in a mono relationship with no way for your partner, by herself, to fulfill that very void?

Trust and fidelity are still present in a poly constellation, yet I hope that void I sensed will be gone. Yes, it is a life event; yes, it feels unknown and unexpected and foreign; but I guess it's finally time to fess up and just pursue what I feel would be the right situation.

This might not make a whole lot of sense - but trust me, if you've been anywhere close to where I have been, you WILL relate.

Appreciate your platform, thanks for having me.

kdt26417 04-04-2013 04:36 AM

Hi Gulfstream,
Welcome to our forum.

You seem to have come upon a simple but life-changing revelation: Poly makes sense! At the moment you're single so you have a good opportunity to explore what this means in your life and relationships.

There's a lot of good material to read and study on this site, so dig in. Post your thoughts and questions as they come to you. There's a wealth of collective experience to draw from as you seek support, feedback, and perspective.

Glad to have you aboard, hope you will enjoy your stay here!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Suliel 04-05-2013 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gulfstream (Post 194153)
It is fair to introduce a void in a mono relationship with no way for your partner, by herself, to fulfill that very void?

Trust and fidelity are still present in a poly constellation, yet I hope that void I sensed will be gone. Yes, it is a life event; yes, it feels unknown and unexpected and foreign; but I guess it's finally time to fess up and just pursue what I feel would be the right situation.

RIGHT there with you. Actually in my second relationship in my entire life and realizing as I come closer to getting married to this guy that there is definitely a void, that I have known other people to fill.

The balance between trust and fidelity, faithfulness and loyalty without jealousy... this is still something I'm coming to terms with, finding the boundaries in my own head. But it's definitely time to break out, see if love can be more than "always something missing"...

SchrodingersCat 04-05-2013 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gulfstream (Post 194153)
I guess when you're in a mono relationship with a woman that falls head over heels for you, and everything seems just right, but after a while you sense a void - that's when you should realize that you might have to re-visits your approach to traditional interpersonal relationship structures.

Or, that's when you could realize that you have issues within the relationship that need to be dealt with; or that the person is not an ideal match.

I never feel it as a void myself, but everyone approaches life differently.

In my world, feeling a void in a relationship means there's something missing specifically in that relationship; not that I need to go meet new people. Just like, when I was single, feeling a void meant I need to fix something within myself, not fill it with a person.

I can only form healthy relationships with other people when my existing relationship(s) are healthy and free of voids. Otherwise, I feel like I'm avoiding (lol) the real issues. It's escapism, distraction.


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