Polyamory.com Forum

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-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Here's to us... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43758)

zaiah1984 03-30-2013 02:50 AM

Here's to us...
My name is Isaiah. I am married to my beautiful wife, Aubri. We decided to consider ourself poly after we had some long talks about wants, needs, and desires as a couple and individuals. Our theory is that is we have to completely change to fit a definition, we are not interested. But, if the lifestyle/definition already fits our ideals and morals, we are open to it wholly, which brings us to the poly lifestyle.

Our concern is how do you get into the life style if it is not common place or talked about in your area. We live in Maine and are curious who others are in our area, and how others have overcame the beginnings or their love movement.

kdt26417 03-30-2013 03:09 AM

Greetings Isaiah and Aubri,
Welcome to our forum.

Some links that might help you find poly people in your area are:


(That last link is our Dating & Friendships subforum.)

You could also google "Maine polyamory" and see what turns up.


"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

In the meantime, spend some time reading our various threads on this site, posting thoughts, asking questions, etc.

Lots to be learned here and it will help you prepare for that poly relationship I hope you'll find in your future.

Glad to have you amongst us.
Kevin T.

Natja 03-30-2013 12:26 PM

It would also help you if you start seeing other people as 'people' and not things to fit your wants and needs. Nothing is more of a turn off than objectification. (unless of course, that is your kink).

zaiah1984 04-02-2013 02:37 AM

thank you for the helpfullnes of the links you posted and the viewership
I appreciate everyone's comments to our situation. as far as objectifying someone, we feel that if you truly know what you are looking for and throw it out there you are not objectifying people. you are just letting people know what you need, want and desire, in the most effective way. as well as letting people know that we are willing to work equally in the relationship. having high standers is not a bad thing in our opinion. but to each there own that what makes the world the great place it is.

we are using the same ideals and morals that we used to find each other to find someone else that we want to include in our lives, it worked great the first time. we are patient and this will be something that will be worth the wait. since we have the rest of our lives to live out our hopes and dreams.

kdt26417 04-02-2013 02:54 AM

I'm sure you'll come out fine if you keep the communication channels open and hear what prospective dates have to say also. Keep reading on our different threads and posting questions, etc.

Best wishes and regards,
Kevin T.

Natja 04-02-2013 07:43 AM

Just be aware that you can wait forever and not get what you are looking for at least not long term, never make this sort of search a focus of your lives.


kdt26417 04-03-2013 09:05 PM

Yes be yourselves, first and foremost. The rest will tend to fall into place.

ngkinch 06-05-2013 02:45 AM

ello to the world !!

Hey...to zaiah. I am new to this forum and came across your post "here's to us". Well irionicly my wife and I are in the same shoes. We are new to this idea but have decided we would both like to "try". It all began... We had a friend girl that we did everything with. Road trips movies dinner dates etc... I mean she was always with us. And she was there emotionally for my wife in so many ways I as a man couldn't quite get. She was also a greatlistener to me as well. But do to mmisunderstandings between her and my wife we no longer hang out. Well I realized that this separation was much more for my wife. As if she had broken up with some one. Thus the conversations began. So now as newbees I seek the advice and outcomes of others as they have waded the path before us.. Any guidance is greatly appreciated. Ie best way to go about this. Places to meet women interested in this etc.... Thanks

AnonymousMe 06-05-2013 04:05 PM


Originally Posted by zaiah1984 (Post 193714)
Our concern is how do you get into the life style if it is not common place or talked about in your area. We live in Maine and are curious who others are in our area, and how others have overcame the beginnings or their love movement.

There are others in Maine. :)

My wife and I are not much further along than you two are (although we are not in the same boat as you, my wife is monogamous and we are both coming to terms with my recently self discovered non-monogamous nature) but I actually think this is a great place for this lifestyle. People here seem at least as accepting to alternative lifestyles as other placed I have lived in the country if not more so. (Unless you two are up in The County...j/k, there are plenty of open minded people there too.) If you dont live in one of the cities or the larger towns I could see having a problem meeting people.

I dont have much to really offer you beyond a "You are not alone here!"

Good luck.

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