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-   -   intro and questions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43633)

xtrememousey 03-28-2013 09:28 AM

intro and questions
so hi all!!! I'm new to poly and an entering this new adventure with my best friend and my husband and our 2 sons (4 & 7 months). we have decided to be a family and we live it every day. I love them both and they love me and each of our separate relationships with him are steady. I'm about to be 36 in a week and a half, he's 36, and she is 32. He and I have been married for 9 years this year and 6 months ago we all sat down and had "the talk" about us living as one family.....almost "sister wives"-ish without the mormonism attached (she and i are both wiccan and he isn't anything specific but raised catholic)

my questions are about telling family and friends....especially now that my best friend is pregnant by our husband. explaining to friends shouldn't be that difficult but my husband and I both come from families that gave had issues with cheating and I'm afraid that they will see this the same way.....but it is so so different. also....I'm lost as to how to explain to my 4 year old son that "auntie's" baby is his sibling not cousin because he has always called her auntie....

thank you all I can't wait to get to know everyone

Nadya 03-28-2013 06:29 PM

Hi! Welcome to the forum.

You seem to be happy and excited about your life, cool! There was a time in my life when I was dreaming about a similar situation than yours. It never happened to me, but I can imagine that when it works it can be great.

As for your questions, there is this huge "Coming Out" thread here, http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=164 Most likely useful for you thinking of how to tell other people about your situation. I am in that too - in the process of coming out. Started with telling those friends that I can count on will love me no matter what, and it was a good decision. Now three people outside my polyship know about us, and they have been very supportive and happy for my happiness.

Then to my opinion, telling a four-year-old is much simpler. You just tell him that the baby has the same father as he does so that makes the baby his sibling. Children are highly adjustable to new situations and new thoughts and concepts - they are still learning the world. And, as he must be by now used to having "auntie" as a family member... should not be too big a deal. :)

kdt26417 03-29-2013 03:26 AM

Hello xtrememousey,
Welcome to our forum.

Nadya's advice is excellent. I won't have a whole lot more to say about it. When outing yourself, start with those who you can trust to keep it secret with you, until such time as you're ready to have it broadcast across the family. Prepare yourself to answer the questions people will ask by reading lots and lots on this site. The Golden Nuggets board is a good place to start.

And as Nadya said,

"Then to my opinion, telling a four-year-old is much simpler. You just tell him that the baby has the same father as he does so that makes the baby his sibling."
Hope that helps you get started. Let us know of any other thoughts or questions you may have.

Kevin T.

xtrememousey 03-29-2013 03:52 AM

thank you!!! i've been reading the stickied threads and the coming outs and stuff....

the language is one that takes getting used to actually. so i guess here goes.....we are a polyamorous, expanded family who practice polyfidelity.

our family is as follows:

B- husband
L- me (legal wife)
M- my best friend and wife #2
C - my 4 year old
D - my 7 month old
and bean to be due in december:D

we are really happy although i know we all have our moments.

kdt26417 03-29-2013 06:26 AM

Sounds like you have a happy poly family. Keep reading and posting here, and keep communicating with your loved ones. I think you'll do well.

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