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-   -   poly virgins (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4339)

missgxxx 11-27-2010 02:37 AM

poly virgins
 
My boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life... So amazing that the only thing that could possibly make it better is to share it with another person. I am very into the idea, although a little nervous since neither of us have had a poly relationship before. I know this has been a fantasy of his for many years, before we were together. He is so happy to have met someone that is very open sexually. We think a woman is what would work best for us. He has told me that he is much more interested in watching us and he doesn't know if he could even touch her. We'll see... Any advice as to how we can bring someone into our wonderful relationship? We are in NY if that is any help...

Somegeezer 11-27-2010 02:51 AM

This isn't really polyamory. Just sounds like you're looking for a threesome.

missgxxx 11-27-2010 03:08 AM

Yes a threesome, but we want more. We want to have another person be a part of our relationship. I think sexually at first since that is basically where we are at right now. Like I said, we've never done this before and just trying to find out about the whole lifestyle...

Ariakas 11-27-2010 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missgxxx (Post 54004)
My boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life... So amazing that the only thing that could possibly make it better is to share it with another person. I am very into the idea, although a little nervous since neither of us have had a poly relationship before. I know this has been a fantasy of his for many years, before we were together. He is so happy to have met someone that is very open sexually. We think a woman is what would work best for us. He has told me that he is much more interested in watching us and he doesn't know if he could even touch her. We'll see... Any advice as to how we can bring someone into our wonderful relationship? We are in NY if that is any help...

Its time to get social. I believe NY has a number of poly groups, based on region. If you google you might start your search (sorry I don' tknow the groups, I am on the wrong coast)

You are looking for an ideal which is term a unicorn. Lots of information on here about that particular search. Beyond that you might want to start with the books

"opening up"
"ethical slut"

They are two books that give a decent foundation for non-monogamy and in turn polyamory.

And lastly, a good sight to start understanding polyamory is Xeromag

http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html

He has some great info, glossary of terms and some interesting perspectives.

After that, read through threads on here, search on here and find what you are looking for in regards to information. Welcome the world of Polyamory. :)

Ari

Somegeezer 11-28-2010 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missgxxx (Post 54010)
Yes a threesome, but we want more. We want to have another person be a part of our relationship. I think sexually at first since that is basically where we are at right now. Like I said, we've never done this before and just trying to find out about the whole lifestyle...

Very well. I've heard New York has quite a large polyamory scene, but I'm completely the wrong person to ask. I live at the other side of the world! =P
I think above has some good info though. Maybe search around Google and read up on what polyamory is exactly. I'm new to it myself and did a lot of research on it these past few weeks. =] The xeromag link [again, above there ^^^^^^] is a brilliant one. Franklin Veaux is a brilliant guy.

redpepper 11-28-2010 06:56 PM

There are a few red flags for me about your post. I agree with Ari that a search on here for unicorns would be useful to read what others have discussed before.

The red flags for me around unicorn hunting are that couples think they are a hot commodity because they enjoy THEIR relationship. Your relationship rocks because its just the two of you, adding another would mean your relationship would not be the same, it would be a relationship of three. Another person means another relationship, not the same one with a person added on. I would suggest thinking of your venture as such so as to not think of looking for another as you would look for a puppy. Very different.

Red flag two is that you seem to be looking for something long term. Long term and traids are very rare and don't usually come about by a couple searching for someone to add to their lives. More over they just happen and emerge out of three separate people. Its probable that your relationship will be based on sexual NRE and only last for a short time before someone feels left out and the triad breaks into a vee instead. What is likely is that the new woman and the man find a deeper compatiblutt and you will be disconnected from that. Its likely that he will become the hinge of a vee or one person will break off and go it alone.

Anyway, not great news, but it has been done to break through the odds. Just know that your thoughts on this are a dime a dozen and might be great in fantasy, but in reality a whole lot of hardship and work.

Hope some reading helps out things into perspective.


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