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-   -   If you want to be happy for the rest of your life... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43307)

SchrodingersCat 03-22-2013 10:21 PM

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life...
There seems to be a rash of threads lately, coming from women in these horrible relationships with selfish men. The women keep saying I don't want to lose him, I love him so much, I've never felt like this with anyone... but I'm so miserable because he treats me poorly or I can't stand this poly situation or his other girlfriend is so selfish.

And I keep asking myself: What the hell makes these guys so wonderful and amazing that all these women are just dropping at their feet, discarding their own happiness and sanity for the privilege of being with him?

The only thing I can come up with is that all these women have low self-esteem, and these guys are just playing into that. It's not that he's so wonderful. It's that she believes she's so awful that she's just grateful anyone would love her, so she'll put up with all kinds of shit from him, just so she doesn't have to be alone.

I find that so incredibly sad. None of these women seem like horrible, selfish bitches. That's generally the kind of person I deem unworthy of love. These all seem like nice girls, caring and compassionate. So they have some wonderful qualities to bring into a relationship.

So c'mon girls, stop letting these dopes spoil your happiness. There are plenty of great guys out there. Sure, they don't all look like Brad Pitt. Chances are, you're no J-Lo either. My husband was never eligible for Sexiest Man Alive, but he's a wonderful person and a caring and supportive partner. As cliché as it sounds, it really is what's on the inside that counts. Looks will fade over time, but a sexy bitch will still be a bitch when she's 40.

So I leave you with this

LovingRadiance 03-22-2013 11:46 PM

Thumbs up. ;)

Malfunktions 03-23-2013 02:46 PM

Now I'm gonna be singing that song all day. Oh, and sending it to my pseudo husband! Lol.

StudentofLife 03-23-2013 06:40 PM


Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat (Post 192432)

As cliché as it sounds, it really is what's on the inside that counts. Looks will fade over time, but a sexy bitch will still be a bitch when she's 40.

Basically I agree with everything that you said. But I think a good hard look at our society will give some clues. In America, the first thing a woman will be judged on is how she looks, her perceived "sex appeal" and her ability to attract men. Read the covers at the magazines at every newstand--"Lose weight, flatten your belly, dress to attract, learn new sex tricks, etc..." All with images of models photoshopped to the point no living human could ever meet the standard we're told we must aspire to. But hey, folks, no pressure.

A cult of personality around everyone who can get onto America's Greatest Loser, The Bachelorette, and then Teenage Moms, so if you can land that man you can start popping out babies while still in high school. Girls under ten who diet, and have eating disorders, routine bullying of teens who don't fit into the stereotype of what is acceptable until they kill themselves to escape the message that it *doesn't* matter how great they are inside, they are different and therefore deserve to be tormented until they break.

Yes, some women hold power based on brains and talent (um, Janet Reno, Hilary Clinton) but that doesn't mean you won't find them being mocked for still not being "pretty enough" to suit.

Many of these women posting here with these stories seem to be in their early-mid twenties. A prime age to have been raised entirely within the worst time frame in America for having low self-esteem. The economy has tanked, and jobs to support themselves, college aid to educate themselves, and tools for independence have become harder and harder to grasp. It doesn't generally seem to be coming from older women, although obviously there are exceptions.

Perhaps I am totally wrong, I'm no expert. But I've lived a long time, and for these women who are my daughter's age, life seems harder than it was for me way back then. I don't envy them, and I'm not sure how much better I would cope were I to have to change places with them.

BoringGuy 03-23-2013 08:24 PM

The "secret to happiness" is to not think of ourselves as sperm donors and/or baby ovens. Reproduction is over-rated and is NOT, as many have been led to believe, a way of achieving immortality. A person's DNA is NOT that "special" and it is more likely that your kid will CAUSE cancer or DIE of some disease than CURE it.

I hope i offended at least one person who wasn't already offended by something i'd said previously. Personally i find the above things quite disgusting myself and think more people need to hear these ideas articulated and see them written down in a non-apologetic tone.

kdt26417 03-23-2013 11:34 PM

As a native of Utah, I think you're onto something ...

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