Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   Just starting out here.... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4327)

just3 11-26-2010 09:02 PM

Just starting out here....
We are very new to this. After my hubs and I have enjoyed almost 12 years of marriage with just us. And then discussing different ideas over the past year(including swinging..) I couldnt do it. I guess I have to have a connection to someone before having sexual encounters. But around a month ago we discussed it again and I made a suggestion of adding someone who I have held feelings for, for many years. My hubs and this guy have known each other since they were very little. And I have known the both of them since I was a teen. And this is someone I dated for awhile back then. Im happy with this choice. My now bf has always loved me so it makes me a lot more comfortable. I know when we we all decided to get together I wanted someone who would not mind being around us both. And someone even my hubs would be comfy hanging out with. With the fact they were both friends so long makes it a lot easier. I have read a lot on here to see how everyone works out their relationships. I have gone to see my bf alone and talk to him daily. We have also hung out together at the park with our kids. I would like most of our together time to actually be all 3 of us(neither one of them are bi but both dont care about being near each others junk lol) We are all pretty comfortable around each other.
Mainly I was wondering how most people do this? Do you keep them separate or together most the time? Or mix it up...
I welcome any advice and will continue looking around here. :D

Penny 11-27-2010 12:21 AM

I see my boyfriend twice a week as part of a larger social gathering that includes my husband. I spend the night at his place once a week, and he spends Saturday nights at ours. My husband works 3rd shift. When he comes home on Sunday mornings I make breakfast for everyone and we all hang out in bed and they cuddle me and shower me with affection. We are all very good friends.

Recently we've started having sex on those lazy Sunday mornings. My boyfriend is quite hetero, while my husband is hetero-leaning pansexual. There is no direct interaction between them during sex, though they both like making out with me while the other one is making love to me.

It is really quite wonderful. Very cozy, warm, and sexy. I believe it has made my husband and boyfriend better friends.

redpepper 11-27-2010 12:28 AM

It really depends on what you feel comfortable with. With us it tends to eb and flow and we let it. Sometimes I am not feeling like sharing Mono's time and sometimes I would prefer that we all hang out or that I just hang out with PN. They have their preferences too and express them... I suggest just letting it all happen naturally and continue to communicate with each other as you go along; making sure that you keep tabs on what you are feeling and what you need. My big thing is getting enough alone time. I am getting better at asking for that and insisting that it is necessary. It's easy to forget that we are our best primaries.

Penny 11-27-2010 12:39 AM

Natural ebb and flow is the best way. My time is rather rigidly scheduled simply because it's hard to fit everything and everyone into it. We have mixed it up a few times, schedule permitting, and that's really nice.

I need time alone with each of my honeys, but I love being with both of them together too. We are out to our friends, so at social gatherings I don't have to worry about hiding my affection.

just3 11-27-2010 01:00 AM

Thank you. I think we are all getting used to the fact its really happening. S and I communicate often..most of this is discussed through instant messaging because it seems easier to type than say(even if we are just feet from each other) Right now Im seeing my bf on the weekend when he is available. We all are pretty busy between work and kids. I am not shy about our relationship.. But circumstances prevent us from being to open to most of our peers. I dont hide it..I just dont share it. And honestly most wouldnt ask. If out in public I wouldnt hesitate to hold either ones hands etc. In most groups.. lol.
Thank you again and I look forward to learning more from you all. :)

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:17 PM.