Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   domination & humiliation (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4314)

Jodi 11-25-2010 01:58 AM

domination & humiliation
potential partner is into things that i have no experience with. it's even hard for me to write, a little bit, and i'm not really shy.

but, ok. like femdom..never heard of term b4...i don't know if i can do that. i wd possibly try.

just feeling ambivilant, i know i will wind up doing what i'm comfortable with, but i feel like such a novice. i'm not used to being called, my lord or humiliating people, it's u;sually my nature to make people feel comfortable. but, to laugh and make a man beg, or whatever else.., lol.

well, thanks for reading. this would be a new partner that i'm considering who wants me to have an alpha male and young lover as well.

my boyfriend would not go for this, he's private...so wouldn't get him involved..but, i'm willing to recruit a more dominant male. as long as fetish guy is ligitimately a nice person & i'm attracted to him, i think it's worth trying.

need advice on how to be dominating. not sure if it's in me.

NeonKaos 11-25-2010 02:44 AM

I don't think that D/s is something that can be taught. I think it's like art - you either have it or you don't. I know there is a difference of opinion about this. Some people feel that naturally dominant people can be taught to be submissive and vice-versa, but I think it's like being gay, straight, or bisexual. You can't "teach" someone those things.

You can teach TECHNIQUE, like safe ways to do bondage and discipline, but you can't teach what turns someone on or gets someone off, IMO.

polychronopolous 11-25-2010 03:36 AM

^ This.

Meh, If this is not something you have a desire for, you probably won't excel at it.

Ariakas 11-25-2010 04:02 AM


Originally Posted by polychronopolous (Post 53822)
^ This.

Meh, If this is not something you have a desire for, you probably won't excel at it.

As a small caveat to this. But it is a small one. There are both subs and doms who enjoy that aspect of sex because their partners do. My best work comes out when I am with someone who gets off on it.

I don't really feel the need to practice it myself, but I can be right into it, with the right partner.

redpepper 11-25-2010 05:54 AM

I would suggest starting by talking the talk. Try something out. If it isn't feeling right, sitting right with you, then maybe its something to sit out on. At least you might have a chance to figure it out before jumping right in. If the talking is good, then see what comes out of it and take small steps.

LovingRadiance 11-25-2010 08:33 AM

I would suggest doing a google search and reading about it.

I dropped a few links in another thread about this earlier today...


Check out information about the topic and you can get a feel for what you are or aren't willing to do.
Then-as RP said-try out things you think you can handle.

I spent nearly a year reading before I made a single move in the "FemDom" world.
That reading was essential and liberating.
I've no regrets to the steps I've taken.

Ariakas 11-25-2010 02:29 PM

I would also highly recommend fetlife.com. They have a good base of poly people navigating the complications of D/s or M/s with poly. There are nuances that are specific which may bring you some of the answers you need

fetlife is like the facebook for pervs. A good tool for finding like minded people, of all kinds.

TL4everu2 11-25-2010 02:51 PM

My wife likes to be restrained and tied down. I'm not into that sort of thing. She is a switch, though, so she likes to be the one in control also. And I'm also not really into that either......

Her last boyfriend wasn't either, but he was more willing to do those sort of things than me. So she had a good time. I do it every once in a blue moon, but not nearly enough for her liking. :(

I CAN walk the walk...but I prefer not to. It reveals a side of me I don't like. My mean and nasty side. I have held my wife down...and (at her request) choked her almost to the point of her passing out....called her a filthy whore and a slut....smacked her ass and tied her down....blindfolded her....etc etc etc. But it's so totally NOT in my nature to do these things. It's hard for me to do those things.....but I do them for the one I love.

whatamIdoing 11-25-2010 03:14 PM

I'm a switch myself... dominant with hubby and submissive with female partners.. I try to let hubs be dominant now and then but it's hard... I'm wired that way.

New guy is a dom. picked that up from him early... our emails are slow battles to see who is in charge... I'm trying to be more submissive with him but I find it hard even with my words...

I think you are either wired that way or not... you can't be what you are not.

NeonKaos 11-25-2010 03:22 PM

I don't like heavy restraints but I love the feeling of hands encircling my throat during sex. Apparently, strangulation is THE major taboo when it comes to the bondage-fetish scene, but I don't care what they say.

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:48 AM.