When swinging becomes polyamory
My wife and I have been on the best emotional roller coaster of our lives in the past year. Here is my story:
I've been married to Ann since 1996 and together we have 3 kids. We first met in high school but didn't start to date until 2 years after graduation. Ann was the first girlfriend that I ever had that I felt we had no jealousy about our past relationships. She made me feel so free and I loved her so much for this.
Fast forward 10 years and 3 kids. Our marriage seemed normal and happy and then one night while lying in bed Ann tells me she had been fantasizing about being with another girl since high school. Dreams do come true! So naturally we became swingers.
Over the next couple of years we could barely get out twice a year to meet couples. We always had the best time together but wanted something more even though we weren't sure what we are looking for.
Last summer Ann's good friend Minnie started hanging out at our place a lot with her kids. Ann and I live in the country and all of our kids would spend time fishing & camping together right on our property. I had casually mentioned to Ann that we should approach Minnie for a threesome. Ann kind of smiled at the idea, didn't give me her own yes or no but was pretty sure Minnie would say yes.
Finally one night, the kids were in bed and the three of us were left alone by the campfire. Even before I could start a "leading" conversation topic Minnie just comes out and says "You guys want to fool around?" Needless to say things went well and we continued this trend fairly regularly over the next few months.
As our comfort level with each other grew Ann asked me if I ever wanted to be with Minnie alone that she would be fine with it. I was excited for this opportunity and when Ann went out of town for a week in September, Minnie and I spent an evening together. It was a fantastic "guilt free" experience.
Before Ann left for her week away she stated that I had her permission to visit Minnie but didn't want to know until she got home. When Ann returned home I was all smiles and she knew. She wants so happy for me and wanted to hear all about it. It was amazing.
For the next two months the three of us or any two of us would be together. Things were perfect. Then Ann wanted a boyfriend...........
......more to follow.
As far as I was concerned, if we were just swingers, my understanding was that it was just about the sex and feelings shouldn’t be involved. Especially love.
Minnie was perfect at downplaying any feelings she may have had for me. She had been divorced for about 3 years and said she wasn’t looking for a relationship and knowing that I was married to Ann meant that she could never love me. This was the perfect thing to say and exactly what I wanted to hear. However, Ann could see right through this and kept bugging me about my feelings for Minnie which I totally downplayed. I really thought I was telling the truth.
One day, late last October, Ann returned home, after spending the day with Minnie, in a very sexually charged mood. She was coming on to Minnie all day but Minnie was acting oblivious to this so Ann said this is the night she was ready to meet someone else. There had been a few guys we had checked out online and she finally decided to contact one. Jeff was that lucky guy and they made plans for coffee later that very same night.
Hours later she returned home and was all smiles. There was a total connection and they made plans to meet each other the very next weekend. I hadn’t met Jeff yet but Ann’s description of him sounded great. Jeff and his wife Christie had been swinging for about 3 years but found too much drama with other couples so they decided to try seeing people separately. This sounded good to me and as experienced swingers I thought they would have the wherewithal to keep feelings out of it. After all, this was just about sex, right?
I guess I had a lot to learn.
The time I spent with Minnie, up until the point when Ann met Jeff, consisted mostly of both our families spending time together and I would spend the occasional evening at her place after the kids had gone to bed. I did my best to visit Minnie sparingly as to make sure everyone was happy. And everyone was. However, I was excited at the idea of Ann having a boyfriend as this would give me a clear pass at seeing Minnie even more. It was also nice to hear that Minnie liked the idea of this as well.
Minnie has another boyfriend. His name is Shawn. Teresa and I met Shawn on one occasion at Minnie’s place months before that ended with the four of us in bed. Everyone had a pleasant time and we all left with smiles, but I think everyone knew the evening would be unlikely to be repeated. Soon after, Minnie started seeing Shawn a little less and me a little more. I was flattered to be what I though was her new “favorite” boyfriend. Minnie had been seeing Shawn for over a year and was clear that her relationship with him had basically plateaued with little chance of ever being more than just a casual boyfriend. Still, she didn’t want to lose him so she never told him about her developing relationship with me. She felt bad for doing this to him but I didn’t think less of her for handling things this way. I just wished there could be a different way that everyone could know and accept the reality. Besides, I was just supposed to be having sex with Minnie and keeping my emotions and our relationship in check. This was easy, especially when Minnie and I were on the same page.
So Ann & Jeff have their first date; dinner & hotel. I had my own plans that night, out with the guys. Ann called me around 1:30 am soon after Jeff had left. She was staying the rest of the night in the hotel since I wasn’t returning home either. But I was so lonely and missed her so much. She was so happy on the phone. I wanted to bask in her happiness but I was so far away. It’s crazy how lonely and sad you can be even when you’re surrounded by friends. She’ll never really know how much I wanted to be with her that night. Ann & I tell each other everything and she shared some of the amazing details of her evening. Sure she said the sex was great but then she said something that really confused me. She told me that it felt like she was cheating on me. That really gave me something to think about. How can she be cheating on me when I knew what she was doing? But I had no idea what she was doing, and in the next weeks, as the truth and depth of her relationship with Jeff started to come to light, I just wasn’t ready.
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