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-   -   Advice on polyamory/open relationship (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=42693)

tigerlilly 03-14-2013 07:30 AM

Advice on polyamory/open relationship
 
are you automatically in an open relationship if you are involved with someone who is?

JaneQSmythe 03-14-2013 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerlilly (Post 190763)
are you automatically in an open relationship if you are involved with someone who is?

Well, without more information...a qualified 'yes.'

It kind of depends on what exactly you mean by "open" - a relationship can be "poly" without being "open" for instance. And you can be in a "poly" relationship without being "poly" yourself. "Open", to me, means that the people involved can/are actively seeking new partners.

So for instance, say you have a MFM Vee (like mine).

The arms of the Vee (M1 and M2) could both be mono and the hinge person (F) could be "poly-saturated" and they could all have agreed that no new partners will be added. This would be "Poly" but not "Open" (AKA "poly-fi" - consisting of two mono/poly relationships).

If one or the other or both of the arms is also poly and "open" to finding new partners (or the "poly" hinge person is still "open" to finding additional partners) then the relationship cluster AS A WHOLE could be considered "open."...but if you break it down further:

If M1 is mono, and F is polysaturated, and M2 is poly and open to seeing new people. Then some people might see the M1-F sub-relationship as being "closed" and the F-M2 sub-relationship as being "open." i.e. "I am in a mono/poly relationship with my GF who only sees me and her husband, but their marriage is "open" and he is free to see other people." - from that standpoint M1 might not consider themselves to be in an "open" relationship even thought their partner is - since it is only their metamour (GF's husband) who is open to seeing new people.

But...the terminology is not really important as long as everyone is in agreement. (There is no "prize" awarded for "winning" the "open" label - you don't get free tickets to the "being open" club.)

JaneQ

tigerlilly 03-14-2013 01:27 PM

thank you JaneQ

GalaGirl 03-14-2013 02:39 PM

Quote:

are you automatically in an open relationship if you are involved with someone who is?
Yes. You are just not in the "shared sweetie" hinge position.

Welcome to polymath.

I'm not sure WHICH open relationship model you are in, but you are in some kind of open. There is no "exclusive" or "closed" or "fidelitious" promise made at this point right? So it is Open.

GG


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