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-   -   Dear Abby (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4264)

booklady78 11-20-2010 06:11 AM

Dear Abby
 
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

DEAR ABBY: For the past few holidays we have had to accept the fact that my sister-in-law was bringing her husband and her boyfriend to family holiday dinners. Last year we protested, saying it was ridiculous and that we wouldn't come. (We don't want our kids thinking this is appropriate.) We relented when my mother-in-law said we were being unreasonable because the husband and boyfriend are OK with the situation.

We have ended up going in the past, but Thanksgiving is nearly here again and we're not "thankful" for this arrangement. How do you think we should handle this? -- RELATIVELY ODD IN JACKSONVILLE

DEAR RELATIVELY ODD: If your children are small, they will accept the "odd" man at the table as simply a good friend of their aunt and uncle, so I see no reason why you shouldn't join the family unless you personally dislike the man. However, if your children are old enough to understand that there is something romantic going on, make other plans for the holidays. To do otherwise would make it appear that you approve of what's going on, which you do not.

Dated for today, Nov.19/10

Her response to a writer who was uncomfortable attending family functions when a poly family was in attendance is irritating.

She basically encouraged them to not attend family functions to show their "disapproval".

Nice lesson in tolerance there Abby...

Danny40179 11-20-2010 02:31 PM

While I agree with you wholeheartedly, Dear Abby isn't about tolerance. It's about seeking advice for a particular situation. Not everyone is going to agree with our lifestyle. That's ok.

This person has a small mind and will NOT open up to any other possibilities. She's made it clear that she doesn't approve and doesn't want her children to be around that. That's her choice to make. It's up to us to show those kids down the road that just because you don't fall into what society deems normal, doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Tonberry 11-20-2010 03:48 PM

I think the advice is relevant to the situation. What was she going to say? "get over yourself, they're happy and part of your family, just go and take them as they are"? While that would have been a good answer tolerance-wise, it might be lost on these people. If their problem is "how can we make sure our children don't think we think it's okay?" it's the appropriate answer.

I don't think Abby can or should educate these people on polyamory, it's not their role. While I find the answer disappointing, I think it's a good one, as advising that person to go would probably ruin the day for the rest of the family (and I guess for them as well).

Athena 11-21-2010 12:17 AM

Actually, Abby is hinting that they should show tolerance: "Your children will just accept the "odd" man at the table as a friend of their aunt and uncle" in the inimitably understated way of that column...

And of course that if they are unable to be tolerant, just don't show up!

TruckerPete 11-22-2010 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Athena (Post 53272)
Actually, Abby is hinting that they should show tolerance: "Your children will just accept the "odd" man at the table as a friend of their aunt and uncle" in the inimitably understated way of that column...

And of course that if they are unable to be tolerant, just don't show up!

Agreed. :)

kala83 12-27-2010 04:50 AM

I don't think some like dear abby is going to have a very open or liberal view on matters such as polyamory since she is probably going to be fairly set in her way and old fashioned when it come so to relational situations that fit out of the old way some people view as "normal"
I had to deal with kind of the same situation this Christmas we went and saw my grandmother that lives about three hours away from us. it terrified me to no end, that someone in the family might ask me how my dating life is going but over the years the family has realized keeping my private life private is better.

and to be fair I know that if any of my grandparents ever were to fin out about the situation they would automatically compare it to adultery and call it final here and there. Its irritating cause it does feel like I am lying to them, and kind of faking my life to suite them....but people spend soo much time of their lives being wasted just trying to live up to people expectations of what they want to think of them....and it really quite pointless.


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