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-   -   New Relationship Energy NRE and how it forms our relationships (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=424)

redpepper 06-27-2009 06:02 PM

New Relationship Energy NRE and how it forms our relationships
 
Our 'v' goes to a monthly meeting of poly people in our area and has met 15-30 wonderful diverse poly people. We talk about different topics in a larger group and then break up into groups to talk more personally about that topic or other issues to do with poly. This month we talked about New Relationship Energy (NRE).

I was not all that interested at first as I thought it was just about that glow one gets at the beginning of a new love relationship, but I was wrong, it is so much more.

One can have NRE over a new job, a new place to live, a new pair of shoes.... just about anything that makes one have that gleeful feeling inside of something new and delightful... even in discovering poly fits for you or in having compersion for your partners NRE.

We talked about different stories people had of their NRE and listened to a pod cast of a woman telling her story of NRE. She had left her home, job, family and friends to be with a man across the country that she had met on line and only met once. He turned out to have a severe drinking and gambling problem and control issues... he wouldn't let her leave the house he was so jealous of her talking to anyone. she also discovered that this late 30's man had just come out of a relationship with a 14 year old!!! talk about missing the red flags on that one! was this a bad case of NRE that got her into that mess?

So I thought I would start a thread on this topic as I think a lot of the people who come on here will find it helpful in figuring out their own relationships. It seems NRE is a strong force in forming where we go for the long haul in our relationships feeling comfy and secure and normalized eventually.

Any thoughts of stories to share?

NeonKaos 06-27-2009 06:43 PM

Well.

I've never had a problem with being in love with more than one pair of shoes. Most of my shoes are Birkenstock, but there are a few other brands. I need more than one pair of shoes to satisfy different needs that I have. I got great deals online for most of them, but some I paid full price for because I needed that style and just couldn't find it at a discount.

None of my shoes have ever been jealous when a new addition is made to our shoe-family, although I have discovered certain redundancies after the fact and re-directed some pairs to other folks either through my circle of friends or via eBay.

My relationship(s) with my shoes are very distinctly individual, and of course my love for one pair in no way diminishes the total amount of love I have to offer to as many shoes as will accept it.

That's about all I have to say about that for now. Thank you RP for bringing up this topic in its own thread!

Quath 06-27-2009 07:47 PM

I never thought of NRE for something other than a relationship, but looking back, I can see that I have gotten that way over a few things from a new job to a new video game. I guess I mostly relate it to relationships. I guess because it develops more slowly as you learn more and more about the person.

The big trick there seems to be to learn to shut up about the other person before you drive everyone else mad.

I also heard that podcast story of NRE where the woman left her job to be with such a loser. The big advise was not to change jobs, move make any major life changes until NRE wears off. I heard it on Polyamory Weekly. Is that where you heard it also?

foxflame88 06-27-2009 08:18 PM

I too never linked NRE to anything but relationships... but certainly see the endless posibilities.

redpepper 06-27-2009 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quath (Post 2266)
I also heard that podcast story of NRE where the woman left her job to be with such a loser. The big advise was not to change jobs, move make any major life changes until NRE wears off. I heard it on Polyamory Weekly. Is that where you heard it also?

yes I believe it was!
there is also the idea that long distant relationship NRE lasts longer.... anyone with that experience?

bowtie 06-29-2009 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 2271)
there is also the idea that long distant relationship NRE lasts longer.... anyone with that experience?

I can certainly attest to this personally. I don't really have a good gauge on how long it is supposed to last, but I would have thought it would be over with by now. However, she doesn't seem to have experienced the same extended NRE period that I have, so I guess it really varies from person to person.

Mark1npt 06-29-2009 07:55 PM

Redpepper, there's always a certain burst of euphoria with anything new that occurs in our lives. A new car, new job, or, when I was younger, the smell of a new baseball glove.......ahhhhhh, didn't get any better than that.....and took a whole year to fade into that smelly, sweaty old leather smell! I guess we could term those events or smells as just "new energy" events as opposed to "NRE" where of course the emphasis is on the "R" for relationship.

My wife is a little put off by what she perceives to be this "new love". I don't think she's done enough reading to know about NRE, although I've touched on it. Isn't it normal (I hate to use that word) for anyone to be enamored with something new in our society? Don't we really want to hop in our new blue car because it's so different than our old red one? Shouldn't one of our friends tell us when that new blue car is dangerous or a lemon? Just thinking.....

MonoVCPHG 06-29-2009 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark1npt (Post 2348)
Don't we really want to hop in our new blue car because it's so different than our old red one? .....

:eek:Careful Mark... if your wife equates your old red car to her anatomy and your new blue one to someone else's, you are going to be in a world of poly hurt LOL!!

Mark1npt 06-29-2009 09:20 PM

Too late Mono, already opened up that can of worms.....:eek:....but in all reality, all of our bodies are different, just like all our personalities and life experiences are different. Certainly, the sexual side of things will be different as a result, too. I don't want to equate it as better, it's just different. And the emotional connection with my other love is different than with my wife, not better, just different. Just like a red car and a blue car are different.

redpepper 06-30-2009 01:55 PM

ahhh, my first car... I loved that thing. *sigh* I love the car I have now, as it is more reliable and fuel efficient and not about to fall apart if I drive over 80kms/hr (what ever that is for all you Americans!)... but I still have a soft spot for that old car.

yes I see the point.

I find it interesting about myself that I am not a "new things" hog. I don't go and buy expensive stuff to get that new feeling and think carefully and shop around if I do need something. I have never gone out and bought anything frivolous and out of want rather than need. Well, except that video camera years ago. I bought it with my student loan money. Still, it was a need to take a record of my 20's and I have all those videos that remind me of that time... I guess that is not frivolous...

anyway, that was a good analogy as it makes me realize something about myself and my relationships... I look for quality and am disappointed sometimes when it isn't there... I assume others do too and get frustrated when they just settle for cheapness in their relationships... as far as I'm concern we should all be going for gold when it comes to what we need in life.... hopefully the NRE will last and sustain for a long time that way.


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