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-   -   Our story (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4233)

wearelookin 11-16-2010 08:59 PM

Our story
 
Hello everyone,

To start, my husband asked me to look into polyamory last night. So I did and this is one of the sites that I found. I am glad I did! We have learned so much in the last 12 to 18 hours then we have ever before.

This is a very condensed verion of our story.....

We have been married for 16 years. After a year of marriage, "W" admitted to me that he was bi and had an affair with my best friend (a gay male) for almost the whole time we had dated. He could not handle the stress of knowing he was attracted to men, needed their affection, and not being able to tell me. He was ready for me to leave him, kick him out, something. He had convinced himself it was better then lying to me.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't let him go. I had married him for better and for worse (and right then, it was bad). I accepted him for him. He could not believe it. A woman wanting to stay with a man who desired men too.

Needless to say, I thought of someone who we could both be with. It was an ex-boyfriend of mine. I finally got up the nerve to ask him if it was okay for "W" and I to both be with him sexually. He said yes. He wasn't attracted to guys but wouldn't mind being with us. This turned into an almost 10 year (on again/off again) relationship. And not just sexually. We were friends, we slept in the same bed, we did almost everything together.

When that relationship finally ended for the last time. "W" and I were happy to be with just each other, but the need for male attention became too much again. Not knowing where to turn, we started looking for someone on AdultFriendFinder (AFF). We were on that site for the last 3 years (or so). We have made friends from the site. But we have not found "the one". There have been guys that are.....close. But not it.

This not finding "him" became too much for "W" the last couple weeks. He was ready to either end our marriage and run away with a gay man he met on another site (adam4adam) or just end his life. It was hard! We talked, we cried, we talked more.....but we made it through. We are tired of the "empty sex". We both want someone who will care for both of us. That is how I ended up here.

Since we are looking for a serious relationship with another bi male, why not look somewhere where there are other families like we want to be. Get the insite, get the knowledge that we have been lacking, get to know people!

I hope this helps someone else that is going through a tough marriage. I hope others can help us through our marriage. We know there is someone out there for us.

Thanks for reading.

polytriad 11-16-2010 10:11 PM

Id look at some local poly groups. I think yahoo has some. I'm on the sac poly group so I'm sure that you could find someone there....

Breathesgirl 11-16-2010 11:23 PM

Hello and welcome :D.

My Possibility (secondary relationship) is a bi-male living with his wife & their boyfriend/husband.

The male bi-sexual isn't one of the more frequent topics around but they are out there:).

Have you considered looking for a partner for each of you rather than one for the both of you? You might find it easier to find partners for each of you.

wearelookin 11-17-2010 05:33 PM

Thanks for the comment Breathesgirl. We have talked about just finding someone for each of us, but we don't think that will work. I am happy with just him, so I really don't need anyone else and I don't want him to feel left out.

He is in need of male attention and affection. We talked about just a gay man, but I don't want to feel left out. So we figured a bi male that would love to be with both of us as equally as possible is the best.

We know he's out there, just have to keep looling. :rolleyes:

redpepper 11-17-2010 08:31 PM

Okcupid works well depending on where you are. I agree with finding poly groups locally or just finding people locally and starting a group.

Nothing like starting a group if your needs aren't being met. That way you can meet like minded people and go from there.


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