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-   -   Been Good But Could Be Better (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41865)

GSAS082612 03-04-2013 12:42 AM

Been Good But Could Be Better
 
So, my poly-triad has definetely made its efforts to improve. They have made more of an effort to include me in fmaily activities and be apart of the life as a partner rather than the girlfriend who will leave eventually.

However, one of my biggest issues is about Sam's pregnancy, I do not resent her but I absolutely hate the fact that she has what I want. She is 36 weeks along and due soon. She has been doing more stuff to prep for Connor and has had it rough being pregnant. But she is pregnant and it continues to remind me of the loss of my daughter, Scarlet, back in July. Although, I have made a concious effort to get better about getting over it, I have found that I just can't.

Despite the pregnancy, Sam and I have definitely improved. We before were at each others throats and I just couldn't stand to be around her, even when I swore I loved her. And I do. Her and I have had more A+S time which has been a much needed effort for us. Being able to strengthen our part of the triad has been hard but it has defintely been worth it. So that is definitely a positive :)
And we have had more poly dates. To the drive in, Royal Rumble, Bowling. Just really has been shifting us for the better.

But that's where it brings me to Glenn. Him and I just... I don't know. Him and I used to be soo good and now we are at odd's all the time. I am starting to realize how much of a jack ass he can be. And I left to stay at my mothers for 5 days, the week of his birthday. (No, I did not miss his birthday) And even while I hadn't seen him we fought. And then when I cam back, we fought even more. We had one good day out of the folowing 5 days. And that was the day of our 6 month anniversary. It seems as if him and I are at odd's and I want to know how to get my love back with him and how to strengthen it. I don't know what I have done wrong but it would be nice to know what I can do right.

GalaGirl 03-04-2013 04:59 PM

Glad to hear things overall are improving.

Suffering envy/sadness over Sam's pregnancy while you still are in the stages of grief for your own lost daughter/miscarriage sounds normal to me. You feel what you feel when you feel it. Just give it time and take it day by day. Mourning is what it is.

Not sure what to tell you about G. If you haven't done anything wrong in your conduct? Let him own it. If he's creating a fusspot, step away. Do not engage. It takes two to fight -- let him fight with the air. You can tell him you will not participate in crazy arguments. When he wants to talk to you to do conflict resolution, he can let you know. But if he just wants an audience for fusspot that goes nowhere -- thanks, but no thanks.

Carry yourself with self respect and expect them to meet the standard bar.

GG

GSAS082612 03-05-2013 02:38 AM

To GalaGirl
 
Thank you for the advice, that's been my major issue but I didn't really think of stepping away from the situation, I will start trying that. I will let you know how it works for me, so thank you again.

Thank you for the mentioning of it being able to mourn my loss. Sometimes it doesn't feel like I can. (They have never said I couldn't, It's a personal feeling)

And I too, am glad that we are all working out, guess it was just one of those stages where it took more than just communication.

LikeFireToIce 03-06-2013 12:05 AM

I am going to hit all the bullet points here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GSAS082612 (Post 188082)
So, my poly-triad has definetely made its efforts to improve. They have made more of an effort to include me in fmaily activities and be apart of the life as a partner rather than the girlfriend who will leave eventually.

I am glad things are improving, a happy triad, is a happy home. Glad you have that all situated! It's good to know you are feeling more at home with them and that they've made concious efforts to make you feel included. That is definetely, a big deal when you are the outside party of the triad. Are you starting to begin to feel more like a mother to their daughter? Or are you still feeling left out as far as she goes? I hope communication was what helped aid the falling relationship. Or I could be wrong about "falling", it seemed as if you were at wits end when it came to them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GSAS082612 (Post 188082)
However, one of my biggest issues is about Sam's pregnancy, I do not resent her but I absolutely hate the fact that she has what I want. She is 36 weeks along and due soon. She has been doing more stuff to prep for Connor and has had it rough being pregnant. But she is pregnant and it continues to remind me of the loss of my daughter, Scarlet, back in July. Although, I have made a concious effort to get better about getting over it, I have found that I just can't..

It takes time. That is all I can tell you. Where you were explaining before you are not able to help prep for their child nor really be excited or happy, is just what is expected sometimes after a wound that is so fresh. Miscarriages take time to heal especially when you were more than half-way through your pregnancy. I wish I could offer more advice but thus, i cannot because I do not have personal experience

Quote:

Originally Posted by GSAS082612 (Post 188082)
Despite the pregnancy, Sam and I have definitely improved. We before were at each others throats and I just couldn't stand to be around her, even when I swore I loved her. And I do. Her and I have had more A+S time which has been a much needed effort for us. Being able to strengthen our part of the triad has been hard but it has defintely been worth it. So that is definitely a positive :)
And we have had more poly dates. To the drive in, Royal Rumble, Bowling. Just really has been shifting us for the better..

A+S time sounds like a benefit, I am glad to hear things are improving with Sam. I hope that things continue down onto a better path for the two of you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GSAS082612 (Post 188082)
But that's where it brings me to Glenn. Him and I just... I don't know. Him and I used to be soo good and now we are at odd's all the time. I am starting to realize how much of a jack ass he can be. And I left to stay at my mothers for 5 days, the week of his birthday. (No, I did not miss his birthday) And even while I hadn't seen him we fought. And then when I cam back, we fought even more. We had one good day out of the folowing 5 days. And that was the day of our 6 month anniversary. It seems as if him and I are at odd's and I want to know how to get my love back with him and how to strengthen it. I don't know what I have done wrong but it would be nice to know what I can do right.

The crappy part of it all. I am sorry Glenn is being like this, but again, the most I can say referring to this, is communicate. Fights are a 2 way street. you need to practice staying away from the situation. Don't add fuel to the fire just because he is being rude. Give it time, he will apologize once he see's what he said is wrong. As long as you don't go back off at him, he won't have a retaliation nor a need to. Just give him time to calm down.


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