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-   -   In The Middle (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41801)

Babyday 03-02-2013 08:15 PM

In The Middle
 
Hi everyone, I'm new to the site although I've been here off and on for the last 7 months researching and learning.

My boyfriend (R) and I have have included someone (J) in our relationship for the past 7 months who we are both dating. It's had it's highs and lows and I've always been in the middle. Both of my partners seem to trust me more than they do eachother and confide in me things they wouldn't want the other to know, and always ask me not to tell the other and I'm not sure how to handle it anymore.

My partner of 5 years and I recently broke up this past week, and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what's going on in my head and what I'm feeling. I love him and want him to be happy but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him and can give him what he wants in a relationship to be happy. I'm also not sure if it's because of our new relationship with J, but during this breakup J and I have spoken and he isn't sure he wants to continue a relationship with R if we're broken up. They have both told me the reason they were in this type of relationship is because they both wanted to be with me and wanted me happy, and I feel totally selfish because of it.

J has confided in me that he doesn't want a romantic relationship with R anymore, and R doesn't have any idea. R thinks we can all be happy together and that it's just me going through emotional things that I need to figure out. I've tried to give myself space from them both but they are meeting tonight to talk about what I've been going through and I know J is going to end their relationship also. What should I do?

Should I tell R, my partner of 5 years, who've I've confided in, trusted and still love that I know what's going on? How would he feel if I didn't tell him and he knew I knew what J was going to do? Or do I stay out of the middle and let them work it out on their own even though I feel sick knowing that R is going into this blind, and thinks that J might still want a relationship?

I'm totally lost and not sure what to do at this point, so I hope someone can please help in this situation.

learninginTN 03-15-2013 04:28 PM

Wow. Tough situation for sure. So what happened after R and J met? Did they break up? Are you and R still breaking up?


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