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-   -   need more attention from bf (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4177)

Jodi 11-10-2010 04:22 AM

need more attention from bf
 
i see my male friend, i'm not even sure what to call him....once a week, sometimes 2x. his wife and i have been friends for several years. he and i have been making love for 6 months w/ the weekly arrangement that we have.

i care for him. his wife is comfortable sharing. he doesn't let her bcz he's not comfortable.

anyway, the reall issue, for me, is well, i feel like i need more attention...from him perhaps...i'm looking to date others...bcz i don't want to expect what he can't give me.

for example...i like to text or talk dirty...he doesn't feel very comfortable w/ it...i thought it made him uncomfortable, but he said he likes it. so it's usually me, sending sexy pics to him & suggestive texts. his wife is ok with this and tells me to have fun, go for it. so i have. but i'm left feeling...stupid..or even like a pest.

i am also left w/ my feelings being hurt...like i'm being used 4 just sex...but, i have a feeling this is not the case..it's just that he....well, his plate is full w/ work and kids...mine too...but i would like some more...signs that he cares. not alot...i've expressed that i'm used to getting more attention from my ex-husbands & men in general.

also got me to thinking about the stages of a relationship..honeymoon, intimacy. etc.

i feel that "twitterpatted" feeling (lol, learned that here) but i don't have enough time to enjoy it, and i keep it in check. i feel a little bit sad about this all.

thanks for reading. jodi

redpepper 11-11-2010 02:49 AM

It sounds like his sexual desire and adventurousness doesn't necessarily match yours... perhaps he is using you for sex. There is no reason that you can't scroll back a bit and see what happens. Perhaps your relationship is ready to move on to a more NREless version where you get comfy and cozy and just chill. Perhaps he will fill in where you have left off sexually and match you more. There is nothing wrong with either, the sex might come back again, or you might find another who is more suited to your tastes... don't give up and just settle, you can have it all... I advice that you keep tabs on how much you invest and how much time you have for a number of loves...

My concern here is that he might not be that keen on you finding another as he is "not allowing" his wife the same consideration (totally bugs! :mad:). he does not own you and you are quite right in wanting to go out to be independent and find those that will fulfill your needs. Of course staying honest, respectful, moving at a pace that makes him feel comfortable and being empathetic is also important. When it comes to what makes you feel happy in life though, please don't deny yourself for others. You have one life to live and this is it, go and embrace life and all it has to offer... if he objects consistently then I would wonder if he is the man for you at this time.

Jodi 11-11-2010 03:23 AM

thanks redpepper. yes, much of what you say is the case. we talked alot tonight. i cancelled our date at first, but then asked him to come over. he has just started to say i love you. i am going to see others as well. he is very protective of all in his life, his wife, me, his children, my children. for him, this is all new. for me, i've been around the block a few times.

lol, but, i still adore him, and i have a feeling that i will have to occupy what little time i have w/ him, for other people. it's bittersweet. it's ok. i hope u r well this evening.


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