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-   -   what defines a partner? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4175)

TrollE 11-09-2010 07:37 PM

what defines a partner?
so, i think i hurt someones feelings.

someone considered us partners after i thought we had broken it off, and now im all scared that i might hurt someone elses feelings cause they might think we're partners and i just think we're friends,.

anyone know any good definitions or reaassurances? im worried about this labelling and how it can confuse things.


"The more you use it, the more it produces;
the more you talk of it, the less you understand."
- Tao Te Ching
Lao-tzu (abt.551-479 BCE) translated by Stephen Mitchell

Jade 11-09-2010 11:09 PM

Sometimes the truth does hurt, and there's no way around it. Deliver it in as loving a way as possible, with the full knowledge that you may be bringing pain. Honesty with compassion is the best we can give sometimes.

Ariakas 11-09-2010 11:25 PM

So sorry, this person thinks of you as lovers and you think of them as friends?

No real way around it, just tell the truth and be kind.

redpepper 11-10-2010 03:37 AM

that's a tough one. Some coffee dates I've been on have been considered "dates" by the one I have been out with... it's hard to know so it's best to be honest and say things with an air of friendship instead of flirtatious intent... like "do you want to go on a friendly coffee date... hahaha... I know it gets confusing, so I thought I better through the "friendly" in there" might help next time

Jodi 11-10-2010 03:08 PM

perhaps say that you have to focus your energies somewhere else right now or that you don't think that you're a good match. it's hard to do i'm sure. good luck. nobody wants to hurt anothers person's feelings, maybe you could even say that.

Fidelia 11-10-2010 06:16 PM

There are some great, very useful threads on here about definitions, etc. Look for the stickies at the top of each of the various fora here.

But you don't really need definitions from outside sources nearly as much as you need some clear, open and honest communication with this other person.

Be kind and loving, but be clear. Find out how s/he sees your relationship, and express your view of it.

Here's one possibility for an opener, if you're having trouble getting started: "It seems to me that you and I might not be on the same page about our relationship. You are really important to me and I need some clarity around this, so can we talk about it?"

TrollE 11-22-2010 07:29 PM

y'all are awesome about this. thank you. that person and i had a talk and it went ok. things are done now.

i appreciate this forum and everyone involved. thank you!

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