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-   -   Testosterone, Polyamory and Jealousy (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4170)

jokutus 11-09-2010 12:33 PM

Testosterone, Polyamory and Jealousy
 
Since reading "Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality", I have given a great deal of thought to my own sexual desires and interactions. At one point in the book, (around chapter 11 if memory serves) they refer to Testosterone having a huge impact on Male sexuality (which was no surprise to me). This hit home with me because I suffer from hypergonadism - meaning my body doesn't produce normal amounts of testosterone. It got me thinking..

As far back as I could remember, I never really had any problems with jealousy. I have always had fleeting moments, but never any real jealous episodes. I wonder if lower production of testosterone made the transition to a polyamourous lifestyle easier. I do take hormonal treatments for my condition, but I haven't noticed a huge difference in jealousy.

The flip side is that women don't produce testosterone at the average male levels (roughly an 8th of what guys do) - so why do women get jealous if there is a correlation between testosterone levels and jealousy? I understand that women and men are different, so this may not even be a factor.

So what do you guys think? Could there be a correlation between jealousy (male and/or female) and testosterone levels? Anyone here also diagnosed with low testosterone and seamlessly transition to polyamory from a monogamy? Perhaps this would make an interesting study...

MusicalRose 11-09-2010 02:34 PM

I think hormones may have a bit to do with jealousy, but I think it has more to do with how people are socialized into thinking of relationships as exclusive and in terms of sexual possessiveness. Women get jealous and fight about it in the U.S. now, but in other countries or in the past, where one man was expected to have many wives, there were situations where all the wives were cooperative with each other and functioned quite well.

Danny40179 11-09-2010 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicalRose (Post 51967)
I think hormones may have a bit to do with jealousy, but I think it has more to do with how people are socialized into thinking of relationships as exclusive and in terms of sexual possessiveness. Women get jealous and fight about it in the U.S. now, but in other countries or in the past, where one man was expected to have many wives, there were situations where all the wives were cooperative with each other and functioned quite well.

I think it may have something to do with it, but I feel MusicalRose hit it right on the head. Our society has made this lifestyle taboo, but if you look elsewhere, it can be a fairly common practice. Now to go along with what you're saying Jokutus, you typically see a man with many wives, but not a woman with many husbands. There are SOME cultures out there, but few and far between. Interesting question.

eklctc 11-09-2010 02:49 PM

In my view, emotions are a self-reflection. Most emotions (negative particularly) derive from mis/lack of communication or underlying issues (i.e. insecurities, past experiences, etc) within oneself so I do not believe testosterone has much to do with jealousy. We just have to get to a place where we can pull back within ourselves to find the root.

Magdlyn 11-09-2010 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jokutus (Post 51956)
Since reading "Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality",
The flip side is that women don't produce testosterone at the average male levels (roughly an 8th of what guys do) - so why do women get jealous if there is a correlation between testosterone levels and jealousy? I understand that women and men are different, so this may not even be a factor.

That sounds like an interesting book, but as with everything, there's more to it than just biology. Social conditioning is a huge factor.

(for ex, so many men now say they prefer a shaved vulva on a woman [I blame internet porn] whereas a couple decades ago, hair between the legs was accepted by most as erotic and normal)

Quote:


So what do you guys think? Could there be a correlation between jealousy (male and/or female) and testosterone levels? Anyone here also diagnosed with low testosterone and seamlessly transition to polyamory from a monogamy? Perhaps this would make an interesting study...
My gf is MtoF transgendered and handles jealousy better than anyone I've even known, so you may be on to something here... taking social conditioning into consideration as well.

Men have traditionally needed to protect "their" women from other men to assure the children she bore were biologically his. There is speculation that before the biological component of conception was understood, this was not the case. Children were born of a woman by the grace of the Goddess, and were thought to be members of the tribe, not a possession of one particular man. Certain stories in the Bible confirm this shift.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicalRose (Post 51967)
I think hormones may have a bit to do with jealousy, but I think it has more to do with how people are socialized into thinking of relationships as exclusive and in terms of sexual possessiveness. Women get jealous and fight about it in the U.S. now, but in other countries or in the past, where one man was expected to have many wives, there were situations where all the wives were cooperative with each other and functioned quite well.

This is also contradicted in the stories of polygynous marriages in the Bible. The wives definitely struggled with jealousy around time the husband spent with each, and who had how many children by him, to mention two areas of conflict.

Also, to come to the present century, you've not seen the current reality show Sister Wives? The cameras follow a family of Fundamentalist Mormons, where polygyny is the accepted norm. But the 3 established wives all definitely had to struggle with jealousy when their husband brought in a new wife after 15 years of being with the original three. Jealousy in multiple relationships will always be there to a degree, however things will vary in how well each individual/couple handles it.

Ariakas 11-09-2010 11:23 PM

My testosterone levels have always been adequate and at one point in my life high. I also at one point took "natural" steroids. I don't suffer from jealousy. I process it for the most part.

I won't say I don't suffer from jealousy at all, but as long as I have the security of the relationship and know it is strong, its almost impossible to find me jealous.

Quote:

so many men now say they prefer a shaved vulva on a woman [I blame internet porn] whereas a couple decades ago
Ironically and this isn't a sex discussion, 20 years ago I preferred shaved, now I prefer something down there. Internet porn kind of ruined my enjoyment of the clean look :p

Magdlyn 11-09-2010 11:54 PM

Well, you'd like me then! (Sorry, just had to flirt :p )

redpepper 11-10-2010 03:40 AM

It depends on the jealousy no? Sometimes jealousy is about the desire to be better than, more dominant than, more the appropriate partner due to looks, health etc... and sometimes its about needing more attention, more quality time, more communication of love and more touching etc.. the latter is less based on testosterone I would think.


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