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-   -   Testing... 1,2,3... testing... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41370)

soleilselene 02-25-2013 03:27 AM

Testing... 1,2,3... testing...
 
So the "talk". I've had it and yes, according to everyone they are all clear to go. I just wondered how do you guys go about getting tested for STD's and such?

I get insurance next month and that will be my first stop. I tested positive for HPV about 7 years ago, and that has been it. Recently my partner's wife tested positive for HPV and everyone is getting paranoid about everything.

I told my other two partners about it and one was very chill, telling me that 80% of people get it, that it usually clears on its own and blah blah blah. What I already knew.

My other partner (which was basically only a hookup) was a somewhat more paranoid. I told him I was going to get tested and would let him know. Although I had sex with the other two after I had sex with him.

What kinda bothers me is guy #1 and his girlfriend. She is getting him extremely paranoid and the last time we were together he didn't perform oral on me... something I love. I didn't ask him why or anything, I am just assuming.

Anyway, just wondering what way you guys deal with this stuff. I always use protection with all guys... I've only been with 2 of them 1 time and the other one 2x. And yes I know condoms don't protect against everything, including HPV...

LovingRadiance 02-25-2013 04:18 AM

Our agreement is that every person must be tested for everything (which isnt automatic here-you have to specify exactly which sti's or they only test for syphilis, gonnoreah and chlamydia) and show a clean bill of health that specifically comments on each sti, prior to even kissing. Then again anytime ANYONE is considering adding a new partner & every 6 months.
Additionally-maca, myself and gg are fluif bonded-but we do not fluid bond with any other partners-period. And no anal sex with any other partners as its simply too risky.

undefinable 02-25-2013 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance (Post 186641)
And no anal sex with any other partners as its simply too risky.

Looking for some education here, what makes anal riskier than vaginal or oral sex?:confused:

opalescent 02-25-2013 01:39 PM

I can't speak for LR as why anal sex is too risky for her poly family, but it is MUCH easier to be infected by HIV during unprotected anal sex than any other sex act, including unprotected vaginal or oral sex.

sparklepop 02-25-2013 03:57 PM

Well, as they say, the only way to be 100% risk free is to not have sex at all ;) But we know that is unrealistic and what a dull life it would be.

We have a no fluid bonding rule, with the exception of oral sex performed on a woman, providing the trust and proof of sexual health is present. We have this exception because I only have lesbian sex and a big part of this is oral... and GF does a lot of D/s play, where oral sex performed on her is part of a service. No intercourse without a condom, no blowjobs, no sharing toys.

However, oral sex on a woman is still a risk, so:

On top of the fluid bonding rule, we also have a rule that we see a clean bill of health from other partners *before* any kind of play happens. If I meet someone who thinks this is unnecessary, embarrassing or over-cautious, I do not really care. I'm not only responsible for myself; I'm responsible for my girlfriend and her husband, since she has unprotected sex with the both of us. So I don't take the risk.

Overall, I get tested every 6 months, or before each new partner; whichever is sooner.

If I've been with a partner and I think there's some kind of extra risk, I might get an extra test to err on the side of caution, but generally, it is as stated above.

Oh - and re: the question about anal sex being riskier for HIV in particular. It is my understanding that this is because anal sex carries more risk of tearing than vaginal sex, due to the delicate nature of the skin and erm... the strain of trying to ram a truncheon through a keyhole, if you catch my drift. ~grins~

undefinable 02-25-2013 06:14 PM

So the no anal sex with other partners thing is kind of like double wrapping a condom? A reaction to the increased instances of tearing, etc?

SNeacail 02-25-2013 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soleilselene (Post 186628)
I get insurance next month and that will be my first stop. I tested positive for HPV about 7 years ago, and that has been it. Recently my partner's wife tested positive for HPV and everyone is getting paranoid about everything.

I told my other two partners about it and one was very chill, telling me that 80% of people get it, that it usually clears on its own and blah blah blah. What I already knew.

It sounds like he may be getting HPV (causes genital warts, cervical cancer, etc) confused with HSV (herpes). Either way, this is not something to ignore. Personally, saying "everyone is getting paranoid" sounds like you are being dismissive of something that could be a serious health concern. What about doing some research on the most common stds and then sit down with your partners and discuss everything. That way one person isn't dismissing or being overly paranoid over something due to ignorance, you can all be on the same page.

Check with your doctors offices and free clinics about how much they charge for the testing (cash price and with your specific insurance). Not all insurance plans cover std testing or might only cover specific ones. Like LR said a "standard" std tests will not test for everything, you may have to be specific.

soleilselene 02-26-2013 07:54 PM

I might sound like I am being dismissive when in reality it is the opposite. The fact that my partner is paranoid about it makes me paranoid about it.

I have always been tested and have only had HPV. I was asymptomatic when I got it. I have not had sex except with my monogamous husband in 5 years and not had sex at all for a whole year.

I think my partner is being lied to or being told that I brought this to the table which is what bothers me. I know who I sleep with and I am very careful about it... But now I think I'm going to stop it altogether.

I wont ever know who they sleep with or their other partners sleep with, I can only trust what they tell me, and that is not enough.

Those of you who have followed me know that I started this because my husband wont have sex with me. If he did, I would not be doing this.

soleilselene 02-26-2013 08:05 PM

And I have started to care about my partner. We get along soo well and have soo much in common. So in the end it is not only about sex.

SNeacail 02-26-2013 09:22 PM

Well, if you can't sit down and have a conversation about the facts of STDs, I'd say this is not someone you want to be having sex with anyway.


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