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-   -   Is polyamory for me? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=413)

Tallin 06-23-2009 10:48 PM

Is polyamory for me?
 
Greetings all, and thanks in advance for your advice and support. I'm a young college student, healthy, and a good student. I'd like to say that I'm a good guy.

Anyway, I currently have a girlfriend that I am very much in love with, and we have a great relationship at the moment. We've both been faithful and I enjoy our sex life and emotional bonding time very much. I don't have fantasies about threesomes myself, but the idea of two people to hold at once is kind of appealing.

The reason I'm considering polyamory is not because I'm in any way unhappy with my current relationship, but because I feel I have more to give. Don't get me wrong, my current girlfriend satisfies my need for sex and the like. It's just that as a person, I tend to give her everything I can, and I still feel like I have more love to share. I believe I could give someone else a great deal of love and attention in addition to my current lover.

I've mentioned thoughts about this to her before, and she said it would be alright with her. In fact, she felt that my having someone else would be nice in some respects. She loves me very much, and couldn't stand to lose me or anything, but she's simply much more independent than I am, and doesn't need as much as I do in terms of bonding and attention. Because of this, she feels that if I had someone else, she'd feel less guilty about requesting more alone time, and feel more secure that I'm not unhappy or alone.

I am a bit afraid of the social aspects right now, as I don't feel my family, my girlfriend's family, or a potential second's family (and our respective friends as well) would understand and would make some form of a fuss over it. The well being of my lovers would be my first priority, but I don't really want to cause a problem. I'm wondering if it is alright to keep the details of the relationship between the three of us involved, or if I'd have to be direct with all outside entities and just put up with their negativity? I'd be alright with either scenario but I'd like opinions on this. Perhaps it's already been an issue for some of you.

I don't have anyone in mind as of yet, but I like the idea, and would like to explore it further. What I ask of those who read the post is to give me their input as to if polyamory would be a good move for someone who feels the way I've described. Questions, comments, and advice of any kind are all welcome and encouraged.

Thank you all in advance.

Quath 06-24-2009 01:56 AM

You can be as out or in the closet as you want to be. I have found that families tend to act weird at first and then may accept it. However, if a family member is going to shun me for something like that, then it is not really a family member I would want to hang around anyway. Same goes for friends. With work, it can be a lot more complex though.

Tallin 06-29-2009 08:38 PM

Thanks
 
Thanks for your input, Quath. It's much appreciated.

All other points of view, opinions, and advice would be most helpful too!

Scorpio 06-30-2009 01:32 AM

Tallin I think I view poly very similarly with the was you described it. I feel that my heart is big and I can "love more" .. like you, I havent acted on it but I feel as though I could.

Is it the right move for you, you ask? Well, if you've thought it all over (and you seem like you have, and it's a BIG plus that you've been open with your girl about it and that she is accepting and approving of it) and you believe it will enrich your life and allow you to share all that love you feel inside, and your heart is sincere... then, it sounds like you may have your answer already... :)

As for being open about your lifestyle if you choose to go for it, I think the only thing you can do is determine how much you will share with others depending on what you know of them and how you think they may react. It's risk, but, as the great Dr. Seuss once said... "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" :p

I believe that if we present our choices in a positive, sincere way, that people will be more likely to accept them. Of course there will always be those who find something to disapprove of. Ya can't please everyone! But, it's more important that you be true to yourself.

I hope everything works out for the best!

Tallin 06-30-2009 08:14 PM

Thank you for you input Scorpio. It is much valued.


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