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-   -   Intro (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41213)

Phlox 02-22-2013 05:29 PM

Intro
 
Hello Everyone,
I've been lurking about and learning a lot for a couple of months, and thought I should introduce myself.

I'm a bisexual woman who realized when my long term marriage ended that I am polyamorous. I planned to not get involved in any relationships until I finished my education, but as happens so often, you fall in love when you least expect it:)

I am currently in a Vee of five months with a man who has a monogamous spouse.It is the first poly relationship for both of us, although he has been involved with BDSM and has several BDSM partners (it is his choice to define our relationship as poly and the BDSM relationships as separate).We have an understanding that I will (hopefully) eventually find a female partner to love and share a home with.

My SO and his spouse had a DADT in regards to the BDSM relationships, but that has changed with the advent of our relationship. We are now in that awkward beginning stage where we are learning to communicate, share time, deal with jealousies (not just within our Vee, but with the BDSM partners and mutual friends also). We are not out to most people due to our job situations.

We have separate living arrangements and our schedules currently don't allow us to see each other as much as we would like. I am a very touch-oriented person, so it has been hard to get used to not having that day-to-day physical contact, but so many other aspects of our relationship make it worth getting used to.:)

I am here to learn, as I need to learn alot. I am transitioning out of the monogamous lifestyle arrangement that didn't work for me at all, yet that doesn't mean that I didn't like some aspects of it (like living with my partner). I am also working through some "stuff" from my former mono relationship yet, which was not a healthy one (hence the reason I didn't set out to find another relationship immediately, but sometimes the cart goes before the horse). In that aspect, not living with an SO is very beneficial right now.I have confidence it will all work out in time. In the meantime, it's nice to have a place to come and learn where there are others who are going through some of the same things.

ImaginaryIllusion 02-23-2013 04:53 PM

Welcome to the Forum.

kdt26417 02-24-2013 12:03 AM

Hello Phlox,
Welcome to our forum.

It's true that the early stages of a poly relationship can be rough. I remember my early years (2006-2008); sometimes things got really bad. But you stay with it because it's worth it, and because you have faith in it. Things got much easier for me; they will for you too.

Even though I have to "share time" with the hinge person (I am also in a Vee), I have learned to value my "me" time, so that has helped. The three of us do live together nowadays, but I have my own separate bedroom/bathroom. It helps, as I am sometimes a privacy freak.

Anyway, I am glad you could join us, and hope we can answer any questions you may have.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Phlox 02-24-2013 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion (Post 186307)
Welcome to the Forum.

Thank you for the welcome. I have been reading your blog and find it to be very helpful. You express yourself very well.

Phlox 02-24-2013 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdt26417 (Post 186380)
Hello Phlox,
Welcome to our forum.

It's true that the early stages of a poly relationship can be rough. I remember my early years (2006-2008); sometimes things got really bad. But you stay with it because it's worth it, and because you have faith in it. Things got much easier for me; they will for you too.

Even though I have to "share time" with the hinge person (I am also in a Vee), I have learned to value my "me" time, so that has helped.

Thank you for the welcome and the advice. I look forward to a time when it gets easier, and it does help to hear that it does.

"Me" time is something I've not had a lot of in my life, and I'm finding there are advantages to having time to really find out who I am in relation to myself. I have been taking up my old hobbies again and developing new ones.I'm discovering inner resources I didn't know I had, and re-discovering some I did know I had but lost along the way.

I am also learning that I can ask for more time, and he is happy to oblige when his schedule allows. I'm dealing with some past relationship baggage about feeling that I don't have the right to ask, but he is aware of that and we are working on it.

undefinable 02-24-2013 07:06 PM

Welcome!


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