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-   -   No more turning away (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4119)

DaylightStirring 11-02-2010 01:33 AM

No more turning away
I'm not sure when it started, or how it will end. But I've had an awakening to my inner poly. And every single thread on this board is making my poly whispers speak louder.

27 year old mother of two (9/10), college student, and married to a mono for two years.

Just a few weeks ago I had a moving dream, where my husband came home from his 3 month long out-of-state work, and some how brought a girlfriend with him. At first he only told me in the dream that she had stopped by. But when I came home she was completely moved into our guest room. He explained she had been having trouble with her husband and he offered her refuge during their trial separation. But soon it became clear that none of this was that clear, and they were obviously sleeping together.
In the dream, I settled right into the drama without skipping a beat. His absences from my bed at night were no concern and her contrived attempts to oust me were laughable at best. Her and I did not get along. I finally resolved to confront her, and before I could say anything she told me, "Its always hard when a family breaks up...when two families break up, but you just have to let it go." It was clearly in her mind that she had won, and I would end up leaving. I glared at her and said, "You will have to learn to share him or you can just leave." and I walked out before she could say anything back.

When I woke from the dream I was completely thrown for a loop. I shared it with my husband later that day, and he was intrigued. Since I met him I have dropped hints and references to polyamory. When we first started dating him I was straight forward about being non-exclusive. And after we became engaged (and exclusive) I began joking about when we were going to get our second wife. But even with all my hints and references to other relationships, I'm not sure I really embraced how much this lifestyle has been in my mind. Now it's come front and center, and for the past few weeks he and I have discussed what it means to practice poly and whether we are cut out for this or not. He has drawn a clear hard line in the sand that there is no room for another man in his life. And I'm really not sure if he is totally aware of what poly with another woman would be like, or if he can handle it either. But boys will be boys and it hasn't taken much convincing on my part to get him started on the idea, however limited it is.
And that's how I came here. There are so many different levels and warning signs of my poly side that I never noticed, til now. All your threads have been so moving that I want to introduce myself as well.
So here I am.

mj511729 11-02-2010 02:27 AM

Hi DS,

Good luck with everything! As someone who's the "mono", I would guess that your husband may be feeling a lot of the things I did. Give him time and let him work through things in his head, without rushing him. I know for me, it made me think about what was important in my life. My wife was too important to me to just give up without even trying what she wanted, and now I'm in a place where I accept it and in many ways appreciate it. There are many challenges but I think it can be very satisfying; it sounds as though it's something that you are yearning for.

ImaginaryIllusion 11-02-2010 01:46 PM

Welcome to the Forum

TruckerPete 11-02-2010 02:53 PM

Welcome, DS. :)

eklctc 11-02-2010 11:36 PM

Welcome, Daylight. I look forward to watching your journey and possible transformation. :)

CielDuMatin 11-03-2010 01:31 AM

Please let me add my welcome - I hope you find what you seek, and hope that this forum can help you.

DaylightStirring 11-03-2010 04:18 AM

Thanks for the welcome guys! This forum is great, I really feel at home here. Just the few threads I've been able to get through have made me laugh and cry. I feel really close to a lot of people on here, even though I have no idea who you guys are!

I love the reference to the elusive UNICORN, my hubby and I totally fit the profile of newbie poly/unicorn hunters. Out on the web I really got a good dose of just how many hunters there are, post after post after post on Craigslist personals and other sites. And I thought to myself, how can so many people be open to the idea of a third? I have so much to learn about poly.

Poly seems like it can be such a difficult and intense journey, I love that there are so many loving souls out there willing to share their joys and follies with me. I am forever thankful for the knowledge it will bring. Ever since I met my husband I've felt a pieces of me start to slowly simmer down and die away. And from these post I am starting to see that I am not the only one to suffers under the strict rule of monogamy. It makes me just want to dive right in and start blabbing on and on about myself, like talking to a close friend. :p

but I won't start blabbing yet...

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