Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Brand-spanking-new to everything (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41110)

Blu 02-21-2013 05:55 AM

Brand-spanking-new to everything
Greetings all.
I'm just feeling out love/life, soul searching. Looking for discussion, maybe advice.

I am a heteroflexible (a.k.a. possibly bisexual) girl dating a boy of the same persuasion. We've been together for about a year and a half, met in high school. He and I became poly a few months ago. He loves women, and I'm fine with that. He's been with two other girls so far: one relationship petered out, the other has been off and on for a few years and is now a steady long distance relationship. Recently, we had a joint crush on a girl, which was exciting, but that is no more.

My thoughts right now are this: is it kosher for me to seek out another male partner? My bf has had problems with it in the past (at first it was just him who was poly - with my consent, of course) and I'm wondering if it is even worth pursuing another person. We live together, are in love, and are best friends. (Of course, not a lot of people take that seriously, given the time we've been together and our age (18).)
He is more than ok with me being with another girl, but not so much with boys; in fact, he doesn't like me talking about them at all (whereas I love talking to him about his girl interests).

I'm wondering also: is this common in the poly arena?

That's all for now.


Malfunktions 02-21-2013 06:06 PM

Wow, 18, kudos on knowing yourself so early. At 18, I was still trying to figure out which boy I wanted to kiss first!
Being in a poly relationship should be an equal event. If he's allowed to persue other women then, IMHO, you should be able to pursue your preferences as well.
There should be a level of mutual agreement among partners but, understandably, there will be some forfeits as well, like never eating Chinese food again cause the love of your life hold a huge distain for it. Ok, so maybe Chinese food doesn't equal giving up your preferred partnerships but it was the best analogy I could think of.
Communication of needs is so important. Your needs are important.
I hope you work it all out :)

Blu 02-21-2013 06:29 PM

Thanks :)
Haha it's funny that you mention the Chinese food analogy because he's vegetarian.
I agree that we should have an equal event.
He is alright with it to a degree. He said the thought of me with another guy is unattractive, but he wouldn't mind...
Sounds like an emotional minefield to navigate.
But we're talking about it. Slowly.

Malfunktions 02-21-2013 06:50 PM

Sounds to me like a masculinity issue lol. Will he do it better, is ego an be bigger, will she ask to be with us both, will we have to touch.. Lol went through the same talk recently. Suffice to say I don't think I'll be getting my MFM ;)oh well, sacrifices right?

Blu 02-21-2013 07:05 PM

What does MFM stand for?

Malfunktions 02-21-2013 07:22 PM


Blu 02-21-2013 07:45 PM

Ah, ok.
I know that my bf is attracted to some boys, he's just very, VERY picky. So I am holding out hope. But if it never happened I wouldn't be upset. The fact is I don't really NEED anyone else romantically or sexually, I'm just interested in seeing what it's like to be with more than one person. Also, I haven't had a lot of experience dating. I only dated one guy before I met my current bf.

kdt26417 02-22-2013 12:11 AM

Hello Blu,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like you-and-a-new-male-partner is a little outside your current boyfriend's comfort zone, but it doesn't sound like he is opposed to it per se. Just take things a day at a time, and if it happens, it happens. Keep the communication lines open and flowing between you and your boyfriend. Share your thoughts and feelings with each other, always.

I don't think there's any need to be in a rush about anything. Just let things happen as they happen. Read as much as you can here and learn from others' experiences. Find out what has worked and what hasn't worked for others. The Life stories and blogs board is a good place to check out.

If you have any future thoughts, questions, or concerns that you want to share, don't hesitate to post those. It's even okay to ping a thread with a new post if it gets lost in the shuffle.

There is a lot to learn here, and many good people to interact with. I hope your Polyamory.com experience is a good one. I'm optimistic that it will be.

Kevin T.

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:45 PM.