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-   -   Moving from a duo to a triad. Help? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41085)

undefinable 02-21-2013 02:00 AM

Moving from a duo to a triad. Help?
Hello everyone,

Recently my wife and I had a lovely young woman come into our lives, and triggered a set of serious conversations. A series that has led us to where we are now, considering a Poly relationship as a viable option for the future.

We have been together for eight years, and got into the swinging lifestyle several years ago. That was our first real diversion from a typical mono marriage. As time went on, we found ourselves involved less and less for the sex, and more for the relationships and personal connections that develop.

Fast forward about three years, and we meet a woman, not for sex, but as a friend. Until this point, our extramarital activities were always purely recreational. This is vastly different. Mutual attraction, romantic interest, and a surprising level of comfort already exists, but we are entering foreign territory.

At first glance it may seem like I am just trying to pick up a girlfriend and looking for validation, but honestly, as much as I am interested, my wife is more so than I. We have spent a great deal of time on the issue in the last few weeks, and then, the day before yesterday she told me that she was interested in "D" (our prospective new relationship) as more than just an attractive woman. So we talked, and talked, and talked, and decided we didn't know what we were talking about.

We found what resources we could on line, but we are flying blind here.

Could anyone give me a hand figuring some of this out. What should I know going in? Anything that is a particularly good/bad idea to prepare us for what is likely going to be a very major change? Anything to be wary of, or encouraged by? Any advice for a couple who is considering moving from a pair to a triad?

The biggest problem we ran into was that in trying to figure out a way to control the situation, we kept on running into things that were unfair to one or all of us. Is it actually as simple as no rules is the only fair way to go? If it is, it would sure help me to hear it from someone with some experience. Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated. I may not follow any of it, but I will listen to, and consider all of it.

Thanks for the time.

LovingRadiance 02-21-2013 05:47 AM

No. Its as simple as, every person needs to clearly communicate their needs and wants from day one and repeating as they change. Bare minimum.

Morethantwo.com has a lot of good info. Galagirl (on here) posts some great links to info as well.
My blog aafteota.wordpress.com has a links page. The blog is currently set to private due to some stalker issues-but if you go to it and request to see it, it will send me the request for approval and give u a password to see it. It chronicles our life from a dyad to a V with children. Also has loads of information I have collected including websites and books.

undefinable 02-22-2013 12:38 AM

Thanks for the info. I think I may have gotten a little too into my head about this. Another person certainly adds to the complexity, but the general rules for a successful relationship seem to be the same. Honesty, trust, understanding, communication, and patience. I will take a closer look at the information you and others have sent my way, and thank you very much for the help.

Now it just looks like its a matter of timing. Why cant life just be a simple walk in the park? Oh yeah, cause that would be so boring it would make me cry.


LovingRadiance 02-22-2013 02:19 AM

Sounds like you are on the right track. :)

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