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-   -   first post: relationship going through changes (long read) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40975)

ground 02-19-2013 05:24 PM

first post: relationship going through changes (long read)
Hello everyone, I have been lurking and wanted to introduce myself. I am a married man and our relationship has been recently going through some exciting changes. Me and my wife have had a closed traditional marriage until recently, we don't swing but have enjoyed a little exhibitionism and voyeurism over the years. We have a friend who I have been friends with since we were kids, I will call her Kate.

Kate and I had been intimate several times before I got married but have always just been friends. Recently Kate has been spending more time with us and it has become obvious that Kate and my wife are attracted to one another. This was surprising to me as my wife has always identified as straight and has told me she isn't attracted to women. When I had brought up bringing other women into the bedroom in the past she has stated that she just isn't into girls and didn't want to share me so there would be no fit.

Apparently she isn't quite as hetero as she thought she was. The last couple of times that Kate has come over my wife has been spending more effort making the house look really nice and also on her appearance. Its like she is preparing for a big date rather than getting ready for dinner with friends.

The last two visits have ended up with all three of us in the bedroom, the last visit was especially amazing. I have kept my wife in the center of things to keep jealousy at bay and to help Kate not feel like she is stepping on anyone's toes. My wife has really been enjoying having four hands at her disposal. We have been having the best sex we have had in years even after Kate has gone home. We have discussed dating Kate and both agree it is something we would like to explore. We aren't ready to discuss this with Kate yet as we don't know if she feels more casual about this situation than we do and don't want to scare her off. We are letting things blossom on their own for now. My biggest concern for now is helping to make sure everyone is comfortable and trying to slowly open up lines of communication.

Anyway, I never thought I would be a part of this particular subculture but it kind of just fell in*our laps. I want to see how others have functioned in these situations as this is new for me and I want to avoid potential pitfalls if possible.

Thanks for reading.


kdt26417 02-19-2013 08:46 PM

Greetings ground,
Welcome to our forum.

One of the best things you can do is try to open up lines of communication, so if you're already doing that, you have the right idea. There are many potentially helpful threads for you on this site. Have a look around and see what calls to you. You can do "search" and "tag search." Also post the thoughts and questions that come to your mind.

It sounds like you have a wonderful thing developing with Kate. I would think she'd probably be interested in something more involved and long-term, but of course there is no way to be 100% about these things (short of asking her directly).

I hope you will enjoy your time on our site.
Kevin T.

ground 02-19-2013 09:32 PM

Thanks Kevin, I have always been a fairly empathic person and until recently was unaware of the concept of compersion. I feel that this aspect of our adventures is what has made it so much fun, the excitement is almost overwhelming at times, I don't know if others have felt this way. I am sure part of it is the new person factor but it is more than that as well. It feels really good to see my loved ones feel good.

kdt26417 02-20-2013 11:47 PM

It sounds like you're experiencing NRE (New Relationship Energy) and compersion as well. It's a wonderful combination!

ground 02-22-2013 02:56 PM

Kate is making dinner for us this weekend. I cooked last time. The two of us are looking forward to seeing her again. Crossing my fingers for things to go well yet trying to temper expectations. Will report back soon.

kdt26417 02-23-2013 09:13 PM

Sounds good, will look forward to your next update.

ground 02-26-2013 06:34 PM

She came over on Sunday, the three of us spent the afternoon outside, the weather was nice. I asked her if she would like to join us in the bedroom again, she said that the last time was perfect and she wasn't sure she wanted to continue doing that. I told her that we had an amazing time and that if it was good for her it was good for us. She said it was good for her and then joined us for more fun. After that Kate showed me how to make one of her favorite dishes. Preparation of dinner was very playful, I was dubbed the kitchen slave. After dinner we ended up cuttled up in bed, each of us holding the other twos hands. It was nice.

I am still trying to take things slow. I want her to know we like her without making her feel pressure to define anything yet. Dating a married couple is probably not even on most people's radar. I try to express my feelings so everyone knows how I feel. I also asked her to let us know if she needed for us to do or not do anything, I told her we really liked her. I didn't want her to feel like she was just our plaything. She kind of laughed when I said that and told me she would be our plaything any time. Everyone is having fun for now, crossing my fingers for everything to continue running smooth. We are planning to go out for dinner next weekend.

kdt26417 02-26-2013 11:23 PM

Sounds like good news. I'm sure if you "go with the flow" and just let things move along naturally, all three of you will be pleased with the result.

Keep us posted. :)

ground 02-27-2013 03:14 AM

Thanks for listening K, I can't really talk about this situation with our local friends.

kdt26417 02-27-2013 09:02 PM

Having a poly forum to turn to is a good thing. :)

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