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-   -   I finally took the leap (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4097)

openmarriagelove 10-30-2010 04:02 PM

I finally took the leap
I've believed that humans have the ability to love more than one person for the longest time, it's the reason we have the open marriage. However, I didn't actually believe I did, but after four years with my boyfriend I finally admitted that I love him, and vice versa. I feel like I'm officially polyamorous all of a sudden.

However, now I don't know what to do as my boyfriend hardly has any free time so while we talk on the phone every day, I only actually get to see him once every month, if that. So I still wind up sitting at home doing nothing, which defeats the purpose of my open marriage.

It feels like I'd be cheating on him now if I go and date. So now this admission of love has brought me a little more stress and I'm not sure what to do. I mean it seems silly to find a third person, but I definitely don't want to be sitting around waiting to him when he has the time every few months. STRESS!!


redpepper 10-30-2010 05:03 PM

Your boyfriend knows you are poly I think no? and knows you can find love in many different places and that doesn't mean that love is lessoned right? So trust in that within yourself and him. just because you love him doesn't mean you are now expected to be shackled to him. You don't need to expect yourself to do that and it doesn't sound like he is expecting you to do that.

That being said, running out and finding someone new is not necessarily the answer either, but you can relax and be open to what comes into your life knowing that you love him and he you...

I would suggest going and doing some fun stuff that you want to do. Check out your bucket list and see what you could accomplish on your own that makes you happy. See what friends you can make and who comes into your life and tell him all about it. You don't have to talk to him about it but you could email him about it as a way to stay connected. That way he keeps up and you feel like you have a way of being in his life when he isn't around. He also will feel confident of your love and that you are keeping yourself busy and entertained.

Don't forget, we are all independent people who come into each others lives. It's a matter of figuring out a routine and a dynamic that works and is healthy... regardless of how much time we have for one another... we all have to go out and take on our own lives while loving and cherishing those we pick to be in them. At least that has what has worked for me :)

Jodi 11-10-2010 04:48 AM

hi, like pepper said, do things that make you happy and bring you enjoyment. you may meet someone that you like enough to want to take it a step further..in which case, then you can discuss w/ your bf. it's great if you and he are in agreement. good luck.

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