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-   -   Advice Please (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40824)

SnapPea 02-17-2013 07:40 PM

Advice Please
I am in a very close friend group of 4.
Two happen to be a couple. I know they have been looking to adding a new partner for some time now.

One person in the in the couple told me that she has added our other friend into their relationship.

How will the dynamic change? How can I bring up a conversation on if they see our friend group dynamic change?

All in all I am very happy for all of them however I am terrified of being left out on things and not included.

I am not attracted to anyone in this group as more than friends. Just to put it out there.

doxyflower 02-17-2013 11:12 PM

How about arranging a dinner/get together with all four of you. Then say something like "I love you all and am very happy for you taking this next step. I hope you know that I am supportive and I also hope this will not change our friendship too much because I would be very sad to lose what we have." I would keep it fairly simple so that it feels like a NOT TOO BIG thing. If I had to guess they are probably wondering how to approach you with some reassurance. ;) Sounds like good people all around! And you have lots of support here should you ever have questions or concerns that arise, or just want to gain some perspective. :)

ThatGirlInGray 02-18-2013 12:49 AM

I would imagine that right now there are times when the existing couple does something on their own, and everyone understands and is fine with that. Adding another person is going to need some of that same "just us" time. Are they adding this person as a triad, or as a Vee? I only ask because a triad will probably mean even more "just them" time (A+B, B+C, A+C, A+B+C) but except for the times when it's "just the three of them" one of the three may still be available to hang out with you as the others have their "alone time" as a couple.

I would say it's certainly fair to express to them that you're worried about being left out or feeling like a "fourth wheel", as it were. They aren't being given a chance to reassure you or address your concerns unless you bring it up. But try not to rush them for an answer or solution- they probably have a LOT they're trying to figure out right now.

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