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-   -   family member is poly - trying to understand (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40767)

understanding101 02-16-2013 10:53 PM

?
 
hi

WhatHappened 02-16-2013 11:33 PM

So you just deleted the entire post????

BoringGuy 02-16-2013 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhatHappened (Post 184921)
So you just deleted the entire post????


12 hours: Some do, some don't. ;)

WhatHappened 02-17-2013 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoringGuy (Post 184923)
12 hours: Some do, some don't. ;)

So let's talk about something else then! :D Sports? Weather? The stock market?

Helo 02-17-2013 12:08 AM

Hopefully it was resolved satisfactorily.

BoringGuy 02-17-2013 12:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Helo (Post 184926)
Hopefully it was resolved satisfactorily.

:rolleyes:

Seeing as the original post was made less than 2 hours ago and deleted half an hour afterward, I will go out on a limb and guess that, on the contrary, it was not only not resolved, but after making the post, the OP read the forum guidelines and realized that they didn't want their relative's private business posted on the internet for all to see - forever - so they thought better of it and erased it.

...which is what that 12-hour edit window is there for. Smart person.

understanding101 02-17-2013 12:33 AM

yeah, sorry. I got paranoid. I've been accused of being judgmental by said family member and I don't want to come across that way at all.

I really am at a loss of how to handle this situation, other than distancing myself from them. One person of the couple continues to tell my spouse and I details of his/her affairs, details of their arrangements, details of the arrangements our mutual acquaintances who also are open etc. All of which we find to be totally unnecessary, particularly because we aren't apart of that world. I find it offensive and off putting.

It's just so difficult to watch your family member and their spouse engage in emotional and sexual affairs, even though consensual. Not to mention be apart of their "lie" to other family members who aren't aware of their arrangement.

WhatHappened 02-17-2013 12:36 AM

I personally think they're disrespecting you. I have very strong feelings on politics, theology, religion--that doesn't mean that I need to make sure everyone knows all about it every time I visit them. Especially if I know it would make them uncomfortable or cause tension.

BoringGuy 02-17-2013 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by understanding101 (Post 184931)
yeah, sorry. I got paranoid. I've been accused of being judgmental by said family member and I don't want to come across that way at all.

I really am at a loss of how to handle this situation, other than distancing myself from them. One person of the couple continues to tell my spouse and I details of his/her affairs, details of their arrangements, details of the arrangements our mutual acquaintances who also are open etc. All of which we find to be totally unnecessary, particularly because we aren't apart of that world. I find it offensive and off putting.

It's just so difficult to watch your family member and their spouse engage in emotional and sexual affairs, even though consensual. Not to mention be apart of their "lie" to other family members who aren't aware of their arrangement.

Maybe you'd be better off reading other people's posts and asking questions on things you feel are important to your situation.

LovingRadiance 02-17-2013 01:24 AM

I would tell said family member that respect for their lifestyle goes hand in hand with respect for yours; as you dont appreciate hearing details-they need not share.

That said, it never hurts to take some time to consider why you are offended by consenting adults happily interacting with consenting adults. So long as they respectfully don't attempt to persuade you into participation of activities that you don't find an interest in-why waste time and effort being offended?

My friend and ex boyfriend used to frequently say;
"your mind is only as open as the smallest thing you allow to offend it."
Combined with the knowledge that we can only learn via an open mind, I find that quote very inspiring.


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