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-   -   poly and kids status update (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4062)

redpepper 10-24-2010 05:24 PM

poly and kids status update
Saw a status update from Cunning Minx, who does poly weekly, a syndicated radio show. She is at the Poly Living 2010 Seattle, Washington conference... this is what it said. No links to studies though. I asked for some. what do you think?

Poly Weekly STUDY: 70% of poly-identified adults have no children. #polyliv10

SNeacail 10-24-2010 07:22 PM

No kids or no kids living at home? I can see why this is the case just due to the amount of time required when kids are involved. School, scouts, sports, etc. When you have more than one, it's divide and conquer.

Ariakas 10-24-2010 07:29 PM

Well that really means 70% of the people who listen to the show AND took part in the survey have no kids.

It really doesn't mean anything. Might be the avg listener of the show is younger and less inclined to children, or older and has no kinds in house.

redpepper 10-24-2010 07:46 PM

It wasn't a survey by the show. Someone at the conference.
No indication of kids ages or if that was even a factor. She said she would add the links to the survey when she could and then I will add here.

The comments are going into an arguement for childfree now.

redpepper 10-24-2010 07:50 PM

Here are the comments so far... I took the names out though... just what they said...

-Not surprised to hear this, given that I think having children at home makes polyamory much more challenging

-It's certainly harder with kids. The time slicing is the biggest problem. Most of the poly parents I know have grown kids.

-Would this be because they are young ? More likely to fill out your survey ? We have 5 children, a poly friend has 3 children. We are out there.

-will there be links to studies to follow?

-All the poly peeps in our neck of the woods are all child-free atheists... I don't think I have met any poly parents in Charlotte.

-I think there is also something to the idea that poly (and sex positive/kinky) individuals have a consciousness about their choices that extends to recognizing childfree living as a viable and valid option in a pro-natalist society.

-The Minx has covered poly parenting several times. I don't think Poly Weekly listeners were not aware that poly parents exist. Between all of the poly parenting coverage and the way that most poly events seem to be, I am surprised by...

-Totally agree with poster two up!

-FYI, the presenters of the study at Poly Living have agreed to post their slide deck with the results of each survey question in graph form. When they do, I'll post it here as well.

-Us poly parents have about zero time to fill out surveys...agreed. Barely making time for Facebook

-I don't particularly like what feels like snark from some childfree folks here. Polys with kids at home can't always make it to poly events, both for child care and because kids deserve some of our time and attention. My 12 yo comes to so...

-I would love to know more about this study. I also wonder how old the kids are that are in question. I have a seven year old, but know quite a few poly folk that have older kids and therefore more time for relationships. I would wonder what...

-just another thought... the whole pro-child culture we live in doesn't necessarily come from poly folk...

Ariakas 10-25-2010 04:41 AM

Still curious about this. I am wondering where they get their numbers, from which group and how. I find the stat heavily skewed...

it could be something as simple as a metamour being excluded because his/her option wasn't as a "parent" legally. So legally they wouldn't be.

Lots of ways this can end up heavily "off" so I am curious. Hopefully we can see questions and stats. :)

SchrodingersCat 10-26-2010 04:15 AM

I would tend to agree with two points raised:

1. Poly parents barely have time to brush their teeth, let alone fill out surveys.
2. Poly self-identified people tend to make intentional choices, and may be less likely to become "parents by accident."

Absolutely any segment of the population with a higher tendency to make careful decisions and take thought-out actions to follow those decisions is going to have a lower percentage of parents, because they'll have a small fraction of members who get pregnant carelessly.

I'm pretty sure that when Mr. Harper's new "voluntary long form" census results are in, we'll see a lot fewer parents, professionals, and students filling them out. Those people just don't have gobs of spare time for voluntarily filling out surveys if it's not legally required. It will suddenly look like Canada is populated by statisticians, accountants, and actuaries, i.e. people who love filling out forms just for fun.

Tonberry 10-26-2010 10:17 PM

70% seems like an extremely high number. Could it be that poly people with children are less likely to identify as poly (and use a different term for themselves)? Could it be that the definition of "parent" was lacking? (As Ari says, if it only include biological parents, it potentially excludes a bunch of people who might have raised the kids too)?

What SC said is true too, there would be less accidental pregnancies (I assume when you have several partners, you're more likely to be careful about that if you don't want children) and last I heard, 50% of pregnancies in the US were unplanned, which is a huge number.

But still, all of that doesn't add up to 70% when the CF population overall is more like 10% or something.

Another though, LGBT polys or polys who are sterile could be denied adoption due to their relationship configuration. It doesn't say that the non-parents don't wish they were parents.

So, it could be the stacking of a lot of things, including survey bias.

vodkafan 10-27-2010 01:09 AM

We have six kids, 5 still at home and school age. They all now know. As my wife has a 4 day/3 day split, the younger ones spend some time at OHb's house with them (or out on trips) during the weekend when I work.

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