25 Year marriage becomes a Poly Triangle
I have been married to my wife (D) for over 25 years. My wife and I have been active in the local BDSM community for 8 months. We started going to events and parties because we were trying to regain some magic that we had lost over the years. It didn’t take long to figure out that we had made a wise choice. We have met many wonderful people and have made new friends. Our values have shifted over time and that has led us to our current relational situation.
I first met my “other” significant other (E heteroflexible female) at a party in September. It is interesting that the very first time I saw E, I said to myself, “She is way out of my league.” She had an air about her that made her seem unreachable to me. I remember that every time I saw her at subsequent gatherings, I found it difficult to keep from staring at her. I am sure that she must have noticed. Over the next few weeks, I found reasons to get to know her better. There was even talk about getting together to do a scene. That is when the flirting started. Sometimes the flirting got heavy. Over the weeks, the flirting intensified through text messages. D was aware of the flirting and told me that she didn’t mind because we had a strict no sex rule and Polyamory was out of the question for both of us.
At this time, my wife and I were enjoying a rebirth of passion in our marriage and we were once again making love on a regular basis. I told her that something was happening between me and E. I did this because that always helped me to apply the brakes in the past. Once I told D about an interest in another woman, the knowledge that she knew always stopped me from going any further. In E’s case, however, it didn’t work.
I continued to think about E on a regular basis. I often wondered if she was thinking about me. The flirting increased and one night I told her on the phone that our relationship had developed way past doing a scene. She admitted that she felt the same way. We were both scared because we thought that D would never go for it. We knew that we couldn’t turn back the clock on our feelings for each other. I was afraid that I would have to tell E that we couldn’t talk to each other anymore and the thought of that saddened me deeply.
The very next morning, I confessed to D through tears how I felt about E. I told her that I never intended for this to happen. At that moment, I was prepared to call the whole thing off if D told me to. To my shock, D had seen this coming for a couple of weeks and already decided how she felt about it. She told me to continue to pursue the relationship with E because she felt she needed it. She wanted to see us together. I couldn’t believe it. I asked her if I could love 2 women at the same time and she told me that she believed that I could easily do that.
That was early December. Since then, my love for E has grown far more than I could ever imagine. My wife has also grown to love E and we are now living as a Poly Triangle. It has been difficult at times as we find our way through what at times can be a minefield. But it has also been wonderful. I never knew that anybody could feel so much joy and happiness. We are far from perfect and we know that we will face many difficulties in what we hope to be years to come. But we know that as long as all of us want this to work, we will find a way. We have seen glimpses of the future and it looks glorious.
Welcome to our forum.
It sounds like you've been through some scary and glorious months lately. I'm glad that D has been so understanding and accepting about your relationship with E. Things will probably be a little rocky in the early years, but you'll gradually get your dynamics figured out and the road will become smooth.
Hopefully Polyamory.com will be a valuable source of information and feedback for you. Check out our various threads, and post any thoughts and questions you may have. There's a lot to learn about the do's and don'ts, etc.
Glad you could join us.
D is an incredible lady. I can honestly say that the last 25 years have been amazing. I have often felt that I hit the jackpot when it comes to her and I have to remind myself on a regular basis how lucky I am that she has chosen to spend her life with me.
I think that D (as well as I) didn't fully understand what we were getting into when we brought E into our marriage. If she had known, she might not have been as understanding. That would have been a shame because in so many ways, this has been so much better than any of us could have imagined.
It has been amazing to watch D and E together . Every now and then, I will feel a little insecure when I see the love that is growing between them. Right about that time, they will turn to me and hold me and tell me that they love me. That makes all the difference.
Ups and downs in the beginning are to be expected. I think it's pretty cool that D and E seem to know just the right time to draw you into the circle. Build on the good things; they will keep you together.
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