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GB1 02-13-2013 05:45 AM

Poly Question, Please Answer
Hi all,

I'm from NY, and this is the situation;

So my best friend (who is also my room mate) and his girlfriend just entered into an open relationship for the first time. The only rules that they have set is that they want to know when what has happened, but no names (as to not get jealous, etc)

Since then, the best friend wants me to go out and be the "wing man" and the girlfriend has come onto me. As "bro code" goes, this is a big no-no, but then again, I'm kind of a mono-guy.

The question is; am I in the wrong with fooling around with the girlfriend? Am I then wrong for helping him to hook up? Should I just stay completely away from the situation? Should I talk to the best friend about it, risking the friendship and maybe their relationship?

GalaGirl 02-13-2013 05:51 AM

Tell each of them your clear wants, needs, and limits.

Could tell the GF not to come on to you. That's against your own code and she could choose to date less "potentially messy people" than her bf's roomie! Or ask YOU to date in a potentially messy situation like that knowing you live with her BF and it could arouse jealousies and so on. Esp if you cannot afford to live alone or move -- that's putting your domestic stability at risk for what?

Being your friend/roomie wing man -- well, could ask the GF how she feels about that if you are willing so everyone is clear about personal boundaries. Are YOU a part of the DADT policy? Because you live there and witness whoever coming around? But since you do not sound comfortable -- don't wing man. Saves grief all around to just not do things you are not really willing to do. A "yes" is a "yes." A "maybe" or a "no" is a "NO."

And if you wish to be free of shenanigans, could choose not to get involved with either one of them as a dating partner or as wing man at this point in time or get sucked into the middle. It's too close for comfort, dude. Roomie? It's the same as workplace.

Don't need to be inviting needless drama into your life. You are responsible for your own best healths.


BoringGuy 02-13-2013 05:57 AM

Here's the thing: I'd fuck my roommate, but not my roommate's boyfriend or girlfriend. But that's just me. And the only roommate I have - we're married, so it's not a thing.

GB1 02-13-2013 06:05 AM

Thanks, that helps a lot. I will talk to them in due time about everything and see where it goes.

We're a very tight nit group and we're all very open with our sexuality. I would probably be okay with it if my best friend was okay with it. They are rather annoyed/bored with each others sexual/emotional needs which is why they're trying poly.

Knowing him, I think he'd rather it be someone he knows then somebody random.

GalaGirl 02-13-2013 06:12 AM


Knowing him, I think he'd rather it be someone he knows then somebody random.
Oh? Then why bother with "no names" at all thing then? :confused:


They are rather annoyed/bored with each others sexual/emotional needs which is why they're trying poly.
Great. Common pitfall -- Opening when foundation is not strong, seeking someone ELSE to fix whatever is broken between them. They could go take some sex ed classes, reconnect, break up -- SO many other things than OPEN and invite new people into their iffy.

Again -- you are responsible for your own best healths. You choose as you wish. But this one? I'd pass if it were me. Their willingness to be adding more people to something that is sounding kinda wobbly doesn't sound to me like THEY are tending their own best healths or the health of their relationship very well.


kdt26417 02-14-2013 12:45 AM

Hello GB1,
Welcome to our forum.

However you approach the situation at hand, I would avoid fast and loose. Have a sit-down with the three of you, find out what everyone's emotional status is, and find out what everyone's limits and boundaries are. If you plunge in without this information, you could find yourself in the midst of a mess.

Although I don't say avoid this altogether, I do say that successful polyamory requires a lot of communication. Therefore, communicate first; act later.

I hope Polyamory.com can be a continuing source of info and advice for you.

Kevin T.

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