Iíve been thinking lately about the desired destination for myself and The Pidge. Why we have chosen to explore polyamory as a desired state for our relationship, what we hope to gain from it, and how we go about implementing it. Weíre aware that without the input of our eventual third person, much of our discussion is in theory only. Still, we need to have some idea where weíre trying to go.
For me, itís straightforward. I miss having a relationship with a man. I miss the energy, and the absurd feeling of happiness caused by being around someone physically larger and stronger than I am. I feel safe about it, itís all familiar territory. I just want that NRE again before I get too old and hag-like for it to be possible. Whatís new is being able to admit I want it, to try to add it it to an existing relationship without cheating, without guilt. It almost seems to good to be true. In my happy little vision, The Pidge, Toilet Seat Guy and I spend happy, loving time together. We donít all live together, but sleep-overs happen frequently, and our bed is big enough for three, plus two teddy bears and a cat.
For The Pidge, itís not so simple. I hope that soon she comes back to the forum and interacts with me and others. I can only say that any man who treats her with gentle loving kindness, who gives her what she wants and makes her happy, will be my hero. Thatís the number one priority.
How do some of the rest of you newbies see your journey and envision your destination? What does your ideal world look like, say, five years from now?
How does The Pidge feel about your man desires?
As far as I'm concerned, any woman who desires a physically strong man is alright with me ;)
The Pidge says she is totally fine with my man-cravings. I considered myself straight when I met her. She converted me, got her free toaster, and says she has no problem with my still wanting what I had for 30 years before I met her.
My man cravings really weren't just a phase. :)
Big strong men are so wonderful. Little strong men are wonderful. Having someone who can reach the high shelves, and tell me what's lurking on top of the fridge is a dream come true.:p
More important is what does The Pidge want? What will she need, in order to answer that question? I hope she decides to come back to this forum and interact with everyone again.
How about you, M.O.D? What does your five year plan look like? Is it filled with Amazon women inspecting the top of your fridge? Or multiple delicate, swanlike creatures swaying atop stepladders? Spill the beans!
Trust me, when you can see routinely on top the fridge, it doesn't seem like such a blessing ;)
My 5 year plan- well I don't have one. My only goal is to become self sustainable money wise. I've been doing quite well on the Internet recently, so just need to give it another 6 months to see if it's sustainable before quitting work and going at it full time.
There's a classical guitarist I like called Juan Martin who I've seen play here in the UK. He runs a guitar school in Ronda, near Malaga in Spain. The plan is to go learn classical guitar there, pick up the language and maybe a few Latina beauties while I'm at it. I would support myself with the Internet income - hence the need to validate that I can do it.
I have no poly type goals yet. Just sniff around and see where I end up.
I think I hear you on the man front. The Pidge feels soft and lovely, but she can't pull you tight in strong arms.
The top of the fridge
That sounds like a great plan. I love classical guitar.
Your beautiful Spanish women sound like a great place to start. Can I ask how long you've been pondering an ethically open relationship model for yourself? You may have already posted this elsewhere, I'm sorry if I'm asking you to repeat yourself.
Have you read any of the articles up at Franklin Veaux's Sprawling Web Empire?
Here's a link, in case you'd find it of interest. The man is smarter and more articulate than most, and I found his writing syle to be so easy to read. Let me know what you think, after you have a chance to check it out?
When I was young, there were these international dolls, they gave them out at gas stations when you got a fill-up. One of them was a Spanish woman, in beautiful full red and black skirts....if I still had her, I'd send her to you. Except now you'd need at least three....:D
Personally, I'm wary of any sort of goals or intended destinations in poly. It seems like it's very hard for people to shift once they have their hearts set on something. When you're dealing with the complicated interactions that happen between multiple people, the ability to deal with fluidity seems to almost always be necessary, and pre-determined ideal outcomes don't seem to lend themselves to that.
For instance, in your situation, you're acknowledging that you can't know how things will be without input from a future partner. Very true! But, ultimately, you're still seeking someone who can be with both you and Pidge -- you speak of one person, not of one or more, and you speak of both you and she being involved with that person, so I think it's fair to say that's what you're after? -- and with that comes all the much-written-of pitfalls of unicorn hunting.
To name the most obvious one, let's say you two meet a lovely man who you both like! Step one of the five year plan complete! And he likes both of you! But then, over the course of months of dating, it turns out he clicks with Pidge very strongly... in fact, it's love... but he no longer wants to put his strong arms around you. Will that be ok for you? Or, in the same situation but reversed, will it be ok for Pidge? Or will the disappointment of "failing" to reach your desired destination be a stumbling block to moving forward?
I have a 5 year Goal of "me, MC, and TGIB all living in the same town, everyone employed (if desired) and with me finished with my master's if I decide I want to get it." It's not really a Plan, per say. The plan changes as current circumstances change, in order to keep the Goal in sight.
But except for the bit about a master's degree, that's also my This Year Goal. And has been my goal for at least a year already. So...*shrug* no real poly plans except to have TGIB's and my relationship no longer be long distance, however and whenever that ends up happening!
Thanks for your response, AnnabelMore,
First let me say I'm knee-deep in your blog right now, and loving it. You are such a gifted writer!!:)
You bring up some great points, so allow me to clarify. The Pidge and I have talked about just those subjects. So far what we've agreed on is this:
* TSG meets us, and likes neither of us. Easy to know what to do there.
* TSG meets us and wants intimate relationships with both of us. Also easy.
* TSG meets us, wants intimate relationship with one of us, but only platonic friendship with the other. The one of us not in a physical relationship with TSG is encouraged to continue to meet people who will want that intimate relationship with her, and the only expectation is that general courtesy and goodwill exist for everyone.
In the last case scenario, as we discussed it, we might easily end up dating separate men, our goal would be for the 4 of us to possibly be good enough friends we could do casual, non-sexual activities as a group from time to time.
The Pidge and I feel that either outcome is fine. We simply can't know until we actually start meeting men, and have the missing pieces of the puzzle that are their feelings and desires.
I'm old enough to know that it's rare to get exactly what you want in life. Still, it feels good at this point to dream a little dream.
I have no doubt reality will clue me in soon enough as to what I can actually have.;)
Long distance relationships are always trickier, in my experience. Travel never seems to get cheaper, nor time more plentiful. I really hope that your goals come true for the three of you. And kudos to you for trying for a master's degree, that is a truly impressive goal!:)
We haven't discussed either of us wanting to date another woman. For her, she's been there, done that, and feels she's found the woman she wants in me. For me, it's a bit more complicated. I have never dated another woman other than The Pidge. The adjustments necessary to move from identifying as straight to identifying as bisexual at the age of 45 weren't effortless. The Pidge is so very worth that effort. I haven't ever met another woman I could say that about.
Still, it'd be interesting to run the topic past her and see what she says.
Thanks, M.O.D.!! :D
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