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-   -   jealousy (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40517)

jmk 02-12-2013 02:35 PM

jealousy
 
my partner asked me why i feel the need to be such a bitch to his girlfriend. i am in an open relationship, so why do i feel the need to make her unhappy?

when we all met, she was in a lesbian monogamous relationship. i was interested in both her and her partner, but they weren't available for an open relationship. they broke up because her partner is toxic, and she was healing. i had hoped to let her heal for a few months and then let her know i was interested. she took matters in her own hands by being interested in HIM, and making moves on HIM.

how dare she switch sides, and want what i have, not me? therefore, the little girl in me who is jealous as hell that he has what i wanted makes me want to lash out. at her. and i would still be in a relationship with her if she wanted me. silly me. i don't know how to stop the feelings.

BoringGuy 02-12-2013 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmk (Post 184131)
i was interested in both her and her partner, but they weren't available for an open relationship. they broke up... she took matters in her own hands by being interested in HIM, and making moves on HIM.

Nobody owes you a "good reason" for why they don't want to be in a relationship with you. Nobody is required to date you just because they're "available". Of course she "took matters in her own hands". That's what they call "living your own life instead of letting other people run your life for you."


Quote:

how dare she switch sides, and want what i have, not me?

How DARE she! The NERVE of someone who doesn't want to date you! :eek:

ManofDiscovery 02-12-2013 05:01 PM

Boringguy, is your default response to be totally condesceding and superior, no matter what the input?

If so, a rename to lonelyguy might be appropriate.

BoringGuy 02-12-2013 05:07 PM

Hungry troll is hungry.

LovingRadiance 02-12-2013 05:33 PM

Feel whatever you feel. No need to change it.

Behave like an adult if you want to be treated like an adult. Acting like a child becuase you feel childish is unacceptable.

ManofDiscovery 02-12-2013 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoringGuy (Post 184161)
Hungry troll is hungry.

I pity you.

jmk 02-12-2013 07:17 PM

i don't have a poor me attitude with this personal insight....just an aw shit moment...i am a very sarcastic human....and a request for insight on the idea of jealousy as a whole...

ManofDiscovery 02-12-2013 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmk (Post 184177)
i don't have a poor me attitude with this personal insight....just an aw shit moment...i am a very sarcastic human....and a request for insight on the idea of jealousy as a whole...

Well, I'll attempt to give some sort of answer, since noone else seems likely to.

I'm not sure if I fully read the situation right - have you had any kind of involvement with this girl before? And does she know of your interest?

My personal view is that in any relationship, in general honesty about feelings is best. Perhaps you could say to your partner 'I'm sorry for how I've been behaving towards her...it's because I'm feeling jealous'...and explain why.

Sometimes when you shine light on fears (and often that's all jealousy is), you find they disappear. It's when you keep them locked away inside that they have room to fester and grow.

jmk 02-12-2013 07:40 PM

she didn't know. i told her after the fact that i was interested in the past, but by that time i found out how many other of her "friends" hit on her when they broke up, and i wasn't going to be that person. i just let her know of my spark.

i know that i don't want to share in the bedroom with him, but if this open relationship thing works the way that i have researched it, at one point we might be able to get to that level. at this point, i just don't want to interfere where they are having the whole nre situation, and have not figured out what they need yet. she has had some medical problems recently arise, so everything outside of friends is now on hold for them.

i also had wondered why i had the urge to be bitchy, and this was what i had come up with. being a trail blazer is hard sometimes.

ManofDiscovery 02-12-2013 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmk (Post 184181)
i also had wondered why i had the urge to be bitchy, and this was what i had come up with. being a trail blazer is hard sometimes.

I just think this whole way of life is so different to what nearly all of us have been raised to believe is 'right', that it takes some getting our heads around.

Keep talking to your man - don't bottle it all up, you'll just worry, and play out various situations and worst case scenarios over and over in your head.

You'll get there (wherever 'there' may be).


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