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-   -   Threesome As First Sexual Experience (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4048)

ray 10-22-2010 03:34 AM

Threesome As First Sexual Experience
 
I'm curious. What does everyone think about a threesome being some one's first sexual experience. How would you feel if it was your first time? And, how would you feel if you were involved in a threesome where one individual had never had sex?

Ariakas 10-22-2010 03:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ray (Post 49930)
I'm curious. What does everyone think about a threesome being some one's first sexual experience. How would you feel if it was your first time? And, how would you feel if you were involved in a threesome where one individual had never had sex?

Its an easy first step. Its a simple way to progress into potentially loving more than one. Its a socially acceptable way to grasp the concept.

My first time I was too involved in the moment to feel anything beyond arousal. My next bunch of times its the same thing. I tend not to focus to much on the hows and whys of sex, I just do. Like the nike commercial.

I don't think I would have a threesome with someone who was a virgin. But thats because I was never interested in virgins and I am not sure a persons first time shoudl be a group thing. Not sure why it shouldn't either. Thats a lot of excess pressure beyond just losing your virginity. I guss it depends on the person

ray 10-22-2010 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 49931)
I am not sure a persons first time shoudl be a group thing. Not sure why it shouldn't either.

That's something I keep thinking about. Some people have said, oh gosh, isn't that a little too kinky for a first time? But that's making an assumption that kinky sex is somehow not for beginners? Certainly there are some kinks best undertaken with some experience, ie BDSM play with potential for injury if you don't know what you're doing. Who knows, maybe having two people show you the ropes could be twice as helpful. Or, like you said, it could be terrifying with all that pressure. But I'm wondering if the "taboo" or hesitancy is perhaps a societal thing. Thinking that it's not good for a first time simply because we're told that's not how you do it. And I agree that it def. depends on the person.

TruckerPete 10-22-2010 02:44 PM

I'll have to go with "completely dependent on all the people involved".

My first time just hurt. So did the second time. Third time was fine. I think if you can let go of any expectations, if you trust your partners, and are able to laugh at the moments of awkwardness (because they will happen), then go for it.

If you're very nervous, there are any unresolved issues or undercurrents in the relationship, etc., then sex should wait, regardless of how many people are involved. The first time brings a boatload of emotions.

Good luck!

Magdlyn 10-22-2010 04:12 PM

ray, I havent read many of your other posts, but are you the virgin in question? And do you have an offer from these 2 other people? Are they a couple, or are you all single?

GroundedSpirit 10-22-2010 07:28 PM

Hey Ray,

I'm also in the "depends on the people" camp.
It could be a beautiful experience. Or not. Thing being it may be twice as much either way.
Also may depend on whether it's two of the same gender or mixed gender.

But overall I'd say I'd be 'pro' the situation. As long as you trust the people (and they ARE trustworthy), the worst that may happen is you are disappointed. Sometimes fantasy can be better than reality. And if that happens, just remember, 1 experience is only that - a single experience. Don't give up because a tight 3 way group - at least from our experience - can be the most intimate, beautiful and maybe exciting combo. Just enough addition without overload. But that's just our experience/personality.

Enjoy :)

GS

TruckerPete 10-22-2010 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit (Post 49985)
Thing being it may be twice as much either way.

I almost said that, too!

Good thoughts, GS! :)

rabbit 10-22-2010 10:01 PM

An old roommate of mine had his first sexual experience in a MFFF foursome. Pretty sure he didn't regret it ;) but that was more of a drunk casual sex thing and I don't think he knew any of them.

I think what matters is that you trust the person / people involved and that everyone is safe and treated respectfully. Talk about any boundaries and about using protection BEFOREhand. I think safety and respect are way more important than the number of people in the bed.

Oh, and in my opinion the "first time" thing is built up way too much. There will be thousands of other times so don't worry too much about this one :)

MyNameIsMaam 10-22-2010 11:47 PM

Umm...no...wait, let me think about it for another nano-second...yeah, it's still a no.

I can only speak for myself, but the first time being a 3 or 4-some would have been a total disaster. The first time there was already enough going on physically and emotionally without having it multiplied.

ray 10-23-2010 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magdlyn (Post 49970)
ray, I havent read many of your other posts, but are you the virgin in question? And do you have an offer from these 2 other people? Are they a couple, or are you all single?

I am the one. :o I am dating O and A (in a V, so many letters!). They're married. It's not been an offer as much as a possibility that we've discussed. He definitely wants to but is very understanding of the fact that it might not happen. He mentioned that she thought that my first time being a threesome was unwise. I agreed with that. I'm pretty nervous about sex (getting started anyway) and have a decent portion of emotional baggage surrounding it. So for me, I'm thinking no. I'm not even sure if I'm ready for "normal" sex yet. ;) I'm excited to try it eventually, though. I have a bucket list. It's making more sense to me now, though, why it's really dependent on the people. For some I could see how it would be a great first time.


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