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-   -   problem with bf (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40376)

jones 02-10-2013 11:10 AM

problem with bf
 
Hi everyone, me and my bf have been seeing each other for seven months, we are both on a swinger's site because that is how we keep in touch, in the past seven months he has only slept with me and one other woman, just once, they met off the swinger's site and we have said that we are mono and won't see anyone else.

the woman he met posted a comment saying something that she also said in a verification for him, it made me worry, the night she posted that, my bf said he was with a friend and stayed the night and he messaged me the next day saying he was tired ( maybe because he didn't get much sleep)

as I write this out, I understand I may get: do you trust him? and I want to say yes but its that little doubt in my mind, mostly because what she posted.

do you I talk to him, part of me doesn't want to with the fear of losing him but I know if I don't I may get these worries again and I don't want that.

Anneintherain 02-11-2013 02:24 AM

I'd just ask him straight to his face about it, say I was worried after I saw that comment, and that I'd just like him to be honest with me. If he maintains he was at a friends (does he normally spend nights at friends houses?) and his answers don't sit right with you, I'd message the other woman and ask if he was with her on that date. Lots of people probably wouldn't suggest messaging her, but personally my past experiences have made it so I'd rather be safe than sorry, especially if you don't use condoms with him.

I am confused about who is who though...in your sig you have a fiance and a lover, don't know which of those is your bf, or how you maintain being monogamous with that setup listed in it that specifically states you're open (maybe the sig is outdated though).

jones 02-11-2013 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anneintherain (Post 183845)
I'd just ask him straight to his face about it, say I was worried after I saw that comment, and that I'd just like him to be honest with me. If he maintains he was at a friends (does he normally spend nights at friends houses?) and his answers don't sit right with you, I'd message the other woman and ask if he was with her on that date. Lots of people probably wouldn't suggest messaging her, but personally my past experiences have made it so I'd rather be safe than sorry, especially if you don't use condoms with him.

I am confused about who is who though...in your sig you have a fiance and a lover, don't know which of those is your bf, or how you maintain being monogamous with that setup listed in it that specifically states you're open (maybe the sig is outdated though).

Hi, thanks for replying, I know I need to ask him, he does spend nights at friends but it seems funny to me, I did think about messaging her but what right do I have, he will find out and be upset with me, I just don't mess up what we have but you are right I need to know the truth as we don't use condoms.

sorry I can't remember how to update it, I have only been sleeping with him and gaz since October, so we are monogamous. xx

nycindie 02-11-2013 08:36 AM

I would just as him point blank, and tell him your doubts. I wouldn't contact her unless you know her and have been in touch with her before. If not, that would be something I'd think twice about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jones (Post 183873)
sorry I can't remember how to update it, I have only been sleeping with him and gaz since October, so we are monogamous. xx

"Him and gaz" -- sounds like more than one person. If you are seeing two people, why do you say you are monogamous?

jones 02-11-2013 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 183877)
I would just as him point blank, and tell him your doubts. I wouldn't contact her unless you know her and have been in touch with her before. If not, that would be something I'd think twice about.


"Him and gaz" -- sounds like more than one person. If you are seeing two people, why do you say you are monogamous?

I am sorry but I am not sure there is a word for my relationship, I understand its a vee and we are closed atm but I would say I am mono because I am only seeing them.

thanks for your advice, I am seeing him tonight so will be talking to him then.

Emm 02-11-2013 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jones (Post 183880)
I am sorry but I am not sure there is a word for my relationship, I understand its a vee and we are closed atm but I would say I am mono because I am only seeing them.

Polyfi (from polyfidelity, aka polyexclusivity) perhaps? "Monogamous" refers to the number of partners (one), (edit) more than to how open a relationship is.

jones 02-11-2013 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm (Post 183884)
Polyfi (from polyfidelity, aka polyexclusivity) perhaps? "Monogamous" refers to the number of partners (one), (edit) more than to how open a relationship is.

thank you so much for clearing that up :) xx


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