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-   -   Newbie and feeling a bit on the crazy side (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40292)

IrishCream 02-08-2013 06:50 PM

Newbie and feeling a bit on the crazy side
So my hubby and I decided that we want to pursue a somewhat open relationship. Now I n ow using the word somewhat is odd. But I think it fits us. We're wanting to experiment with other women. We're new to tho whole thing and just starting out. So excuse me if I sound a bit crazy sometimes. I'll blame it on the hormones lol.

So my hubby and I are both 26 and live in Michigan with our two little boys and have another on the way. We've had a lot of ups and downs especially when he was active duty army. Now he's medically retired and going to school while I work third shift.

I admit I'm starting all this a bit on the emotional side. It seems to me like we keep smacking a tree and falling backwards. I have no support so far locally. He has a married couple that he recently met. He wants me to meet them but so far I've been so busy with work or were fighting over my insecurities and his inability to listen. Sorry if I sound like a nut case. I need a nap lol. I'm hoping to not only find friends on here. But I'm lookin around for any and all infowtion I can find to help mostly myself ease into this a little better. I don't think in going about it the right way.

Anyway. Thanks for having me :)

kdt26417 02-08-2013 11:07 PM

Hello IrishCream,
Welcome to our forum.

There's a lot of good information here; you might find the Golden Nuggets board especially useful.

You are just starting out in a new relationship style, so it's to be expected that things will be a little rocky. You just have to learn a little at a time, and things will slowly get easier. You and your husband have weathered a lot of things together; you can get through this also.

If you can find a poly-friendly counselor in your area, that might be something to consider (for help with insecurities and to help him become a better listener).

Let us know if you have any questions.
Kevin T.

IrishCream 02-09-2013 02:40 AM

Thanks ill definitely check out the info. :)

GalaGirl 02-09-2013 03:19 AM

Welcome! I hear that you want to explore... that is fine.

But I'm lookin around for any and all infowtion I can find to help mostly myself ease into this a little better. I don't think in going about it the right way.
It isn't just you in the potential polyship. He is there too -- is he wanting to go about it in the right way? what IS the "right" way to you both? What are you wants, needs, and limits?

Have you considered how to to avoid pitfalls?

Esp since you still have insecurities to address.... how is that offering yourself as the best dating partner you could be?

Could examine your plan for HOW you want to explore... is this the best time to implement a dating phase? Already explored everything else? Like reading resources together?


The kids would be in the polyship too. They are your dependents and you have commitments to these people already, too right? Not just the spouse person?

With a new baby on the way you are ALREADY adding a new person to your potential familymath/polymath dynamic. That's one load of stress. To add him dating? That's another load. To add you dating? That's another load. To add you and him dating the SAME person? That's another load. Could choose to take things on board at a slower pace to not go into in "already on overload." Maybe some careful "Openings" rather than full on "Open?"

You can polyship with young kids -- but it requires careful thought. The stresses could affect them -- esp with time management. You guys could create the DIY plan to serve ALL of your family's needs best.


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