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-   -   six months of poly & just discovered we r (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4020)

Jodi 10-20-2010 06:55 PM

six months of poly & just discovered we r
hello. i just joined this group bcz i wanted to learn more about this lifestyle.
i believe that i am currently in a polyamorus (sp?) relationship, which started
about 6 months ago.

i am comfortable being a "third wheel" as my daughter calls me...altho she
doesn't realize that there is any sexual activity going on.

this is fairly new to me as a single person, altho i have experience as a
married swinging couple. i've really enjoyed getting to know my "boyfriend" in a
new way.

we've all been friends for almost ten years, but have taken it to a deeper
level. my friend, his wife, has no jealousy and i have been careful to be
respectful of their marriage.

she and i have been friends for a long time, longer than my relationship w/ her
husband. there are feelings attached for all of us, positive & negative, but
overall it's been really great, since they and i each hv 4 children and they are
all friends.

however, sometimes, bcz he and i meet only one or 2x per week, it is difficult
for me, bcz i do care for him and love him, not in an obsessive way, but wd like
to c him more. but, we r all so busy, that the days really fly by anyway, w
work, school, kids, etc.

they hv not openly state that we have a polyamoros relationship, even tho it
feels like that for me. we care for eachother's children, talk alot about
personal, intimate topics, share our free time together. it started out as a
sexual experiment for all of us but has bcm 2 feel more normal, like a regular
part of our lives...at least 4 me it has.

my friend, the wife in this triangle, has not wanted to join as a three some
anymore as of 2-3 months ago bcz she said it feels awkward w/ me. we still talk
and laugh, and go out togheter often tho, w/ our children as well.

thanks for reading. i think i may have come to the right place in a community
such as this. we hv been 2 swingers clubs as a threesome, but have not engaged
in sex w/ other couples there.

while i'm ok w/ having sex w/ a good looking guy that i don't know well, i would
rather be friends first & feel that i may not be a person that is meant to
follow the rules of monogomy, bcz i dont' agree w/ some of them.

tnx 4 reading this.

vodkafan 10-20-2010 10:02 PM

Hi Jodi,

welcome to the forum. I don't see any problems with your life really, from what you say everybody seems happy including all the children.
I am also new to all this but I have discovered from being on here that nobody's poly is quite like anybody elses.
If it is working for you all that's great. Maybe your friend not being able to handle the sexual side of things with you will change back again later. You didn't say whether you missed that or not.

AutumnalTone 10-21-2010 02:49 AM

Welcome aboard.

Jodi 10-21-2010 03:25 AM

tnx 4 the welcome.

alfaman 10-25-2010 12:11 AM

Hey Jodi, we would love to get in contact with you just for discussion. My wife and I started out experimenting with swinging a few months back, and gradually we have gravitated towards establishing a poly relationship instead, or may be a series of them. She sees other men, and while I have really little or no desire for more satisfaction than I get from her, I do enjoy the deeper emotional benefits she gets from being with others, and because she is inclined to do so we think it will be emotionally beneficial for her happiness to deepen that exoerience.

So I have been encouraging her to see how it goes when she develops some feelings for someone before getting sexually involved. She feels like you do now, that having sex with someone you hardly know is less than fulfilling, and not necessarily right or wrong, just less than emotionally fulfilling. So we are looking to establish something like at least a close friendship and to encourage the development of love with her new partner. As yet she has not met anyone with which we could say a relationship might develop, though there are a couple of developing possibilities.

We hope to hear from you......S&K

Jodi 10-25-2010 01:59 AM

hi s&k,

yes, sure we can talk more. yes, your wife does feel like i do, that it feels better emotionally to have a connection w/ a lover.

thanks for responiding to my post.


alfaman 10-25-2010 02:52 AM

K says that a guy's looks are not too important to her at all to be sexually attracted, and that physical attraction is less important than chemistry. To her, what turns her on the most is a guy who is turned on by her, and who thinks highly of her as a woman and as a person. It has little to do with how good looking he might be, though she says its nice to have that too.

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