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-   -   A Twice-Broken Heart Harder to Heal (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40144)

Robot 02-06-2013 04:35 AM

A Twice-Broken Heart Harder to Heal

So, I was on this site, some months ago, just trying to meet people in a similar situation as I. At the time, which now feels like forever ago, I had recenlty moved in (with my partner, C) with a mutual friend of ours, for whom we both fell, K. Three months in and all was blissful. Then, something changed... C confessed that although we went into this together and she was aware that I was in love, she really was not comfortable with K and I being together. Our physical relationships (on all fronts, since we moved) progressed slowly and this was intentionally the case.

When the very real possibility of me being with K was in front of us, C slammed the breaks. Now, K has fully admitted to me that her love and attraction for C was at first sight, and that she could see herself building a life with me, as well, but that she and I could not cross lines that she and C had not been able to, yet. We had talked about the three of us being physical and had agreed that it would be good to experience one another as a couple, first. Essentially, K was to have sex with C, before she could have sex with me, and only then would we all be able to have our "three."

Late last year, things started to happen without me and without my knowledge. I don't mean physical things, but (to me) more meaningful and emotional things. K proposed. C said "yes." Neither of them told me about this until I asked, having been clued in be some random conversation. I was floored. I was hurt. I was confused. It took some more time and some more cues, but eventually, I was done. Now, I am not actively seeking to replace them, but having shared this part of myself with two people, I feel like it is the kind of relationship(s?) I want and need. Maybe, they just weren't the right two...

Anyway, and sorry this is so long, I am here just looking for friendships, and perhaps something that will blossom into something more. I have been living as lesbian and my attraction leans towards women, but I am open-minded and feeling free to follow my heart.

I currently work full time in a library, but I am going to school to finish up pre-requisites to get into nursing school. The great part of this is that I have hundreds of options for where I might apply and end up. I love to travel and since I got out of the military (AF, for 6 years) I haven't done much of that. I have 2 classes (3 or 4 for some schools) to finish up and that includes the two I am taking this semester, so I could get started as early as the fall!

Well, that's my story. Oh, BTW, I live in central Arizona, so if anyone in the area (I am literally, right in between Phoenix and Tucson) wants to chat sometime, send a message.

I am actually planning on having a "Newly Single" celebration with some friends and family in a couple of weekends at The Rock in downtown Phoenix for anyone interested. We're gonna catch a drag show on 02/23. Not asking for strings or commitments, just a good night out to party!

StudentofLife 02-06-2013 11:12 PM

Hi Robot,

I'm new here also, for what it's worth. I'm not geographically helpful, nor a person who would be relationship material for you, but if just having someone to chat with here would be nice for you, feel free to drop me a note. I'm sorry your first poly attempt went so sour. I've yet to actually try it, but it's something my partner and I are discussing, and your thoughts and stories would always be welcome.:)

Robot 02-08-2013 02:38 AM

Thanks, Student.

I welcome any chance to meet new people, online and off, so I appreciate the response. Relationships of any sort require work, commitment and communication, and I think this is especially true in a triad, where there is the added difficulty of maintaining fairness. If your partner and you keep that in mind as you move forward, things can really be amazing. I know. I lived a part of that and even after my many years with C, I was never happier than I was with the two of them. I felt complete.

It is an interesting change from the "normal" constraints of couplehood. Best of luck to you both and I am also here, should you want to share more of your story.


MeeraReed 02-08-2013 03:43 AM

Hi Robot,

I think I recall some of your story about K and C. (Or, possibly I am incorrectly remembering someone else's drama with people named K and C!)

It's hard to start over and move forward after heartbreak (especially a double dose), but it's possible.

I'm glad you want to continue with poly relationships. One of the hardest things I dealt with after the demise of my open-ish relationship was guilt / beating myself up for wanting to try the same thing again. I felt like the more sensible thing to do would be to NEVER do such a thing again. But I stuck to my instincts, and am now having the type of relationship(s) I've always wanted.

StudentofLife 02-10-2013 05:30 PM

Just saying hi

I was just wanting to drop by and say hello and ask how things are going for you. Do you have plans coming together for your party? How is life treating you this week?:)

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